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Gallery: The sexiest booth babes of Tokyo Game Show photo
Gallery: The sexiest booth babes of Tokyo Game Show
by Papa Niero

The moment all you college dudes have been waiting for is here! So make sure your boss isn't looking and get ready to steamboat the weasel, because I need the pageviews and my gallery is the tits!

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Video: E3 2014 secret leaks revealed! photo
Video: E3 2014 secret leaks revealed!
by Bill Zoeker

We've gotten our hands on some verifiable official E3 2014 leaks and secrets and we're spilling the beans. Find out what's in store from Microsoft, Nintendo, Ubisoft, Epic Games, EA, and all the other big companies making important announcements.

Get a sneak peek at news about Battlefield 5, a new Nintendo MMO, Destiny, and all every other E3 reveal and announcement.

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Jimquisition: Gamer Guys photo
Jimquisition: Gamer Guys
by Jim Sterling

Jimquisition travels to another time and another place, examining a world taken over by gamer guys and their testosterone-addled inanity. Something must be done!

Fortunately, your ol' pal Jim Sterling is here to take those insincere culture thieves down a peg, and put gaming in the hands of those to whom it belongs. Welcome to the Sarkybastardverse, which is definitely a real thing now.

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6:30 PM on 05.08.2013

EA buys Battlefield13-20.com? Pfff, we own Battlefield69

BREAKING: DESTRUCTOID LEADS THE ARMS RACE IN STUPID MILITARY DOMAIN NAMES San Francisco, CA - Somewhere near Philz Coffee and 24th Street It appears that EA has registered www.Battlefield13.com through www.Battlefield20.com, ...

Papa Niero

4:00 PM on 04.07.2013

The Best Amendment calls out the NRA

In an effort to poke holes in NRA vice president Wayne LaPierre's belief that only a "good guy" with a gun can stop a "bad guy" with a gun, Paolo Pedercini has created The Best Amendment, a satirical PC game, report...

Fraser Brown



Ten golden rules of online gaming photo
Ten golden rules of online gaming
by Jim Sterling

[Destructoid turns 7 next week! Here's our most popular article from January 2009, one of Jim's first features. Check out more of our earlier works in our Golden Archives. -Niero]

People have been hunched over their PCs, firing rockets into the faces of their friends since Doom. The ability to play a game against real human opponents via a network changed the face of the industry and helped shape the scene we are now a part of. Over the years, we have seen the world's largest network, the Internet, expand to phenomenal heights and with it, gaming too has grown in ways that were once never thought possible.

Gaming over the Internet is now a major part of the hobby we all hold dear, and as titles like Halo rose to bring more and more mainstream attention to multinational fragests, we have seen online gaming become one of the most integral facets of the industry. With mainstream attention, it has also brought with an influx of new, fresh-faced gamers who have logged on with wanton abandon, unwitting of the rules that we have held dear as digital war veterans for millenias untold. At least outside of the PC universe, online gaming is full of people who perhaps do not understand the ettiquete and courtesy that comes with the territory. 

For these people, Destructoid has the answer. If your copy of Halo just hit your mailbox, or even more urgently, if you started playing online years ago and have never even been through basic training, this is the guide for you. Hit the jump to finally learn how to be an online gamer with these crucial rules. A doorway into a world of elite playing pleasure is yours for the opening.

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The Call of Sarkeesian  photo
The Call of Sarkeesian
by Jim Sterling

I have of late been subject to some strange occurrences. Some may even say ... frightening ... circumstances. Indeed, the things I have seen make me so very grateful for the inability of the human mind to truly understand our universe in all its vastness. We strive, in our small way, to know. We want to know everything, but we know merely a sliver, and should we ever expose ourselves to more, we may all go mad. 

This much, I do know. This much, I do understand.

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3:00 PM on 03.07.2013

Jimquisition: Emotions, Polygons, and Ellen Page

This week, Father of Dreams and visionary game director David Cage hosts the show and tells us all about emotion. Emotion. Emotion. What is it like to feel? What can videogames learn from film? How well does David know Ellen Page? Watch this soul-scorching video and prepare to be impressed. Emotion.

Jim Sterling



The perfect Mortal Kombat movie cast, CONFIRMED photo
The perfect Mortal Kombat movie cast, CONFIRMED
by Jim Sterling

Mortal Kombat has another live-action movie in the works, and it's probably not going to be very good. That doesn't mean it has to be awful, though. The right blend of actors can turn any film, no matter how cynical, into a classic worthy of the Oscars. Yes, even a videogame movie!

As a budding Hollywood producer, I have slaved over hot data and juicy demographics with my crack team to scientifically distill a perfect Mortal Kombat movie cast -- the actors and actresses qualified above all else to bring this classic fighting game franchise to life. Including our conceptual mockups, we hope to present this to George Lucas himself, so he may give us his almighty blessing. 

Behold, the perfect Mortal Kombat movie cast!

[Original Wallpaper source for our opening Willem Dafoe mock!]

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Six sinister things about Super Mario photo
Six sinister things about Super Mario
by Anthony Burch

[Destructoid turns 7 on March 16, 2013! I'm celebrating early by repairing some of my favorite articles from our Wordpress days. You'll be able to browse this original collection soon -- "Destructoid's Golden Archives" is hereby instituted to preserve the best work of our former editors. It's also nice to see Burch on the home page again. -Niero]

Hot on the heels of Faith's article on the layered evils of Viva Pinata, this article serves to educate the average reader on the numerous moral trespasses and hidden agendas of Super Mario, and his ilk. 

Will you have noticed some of these things before? Undoubtedly. But have you noticed ALL of them? Unlikely.

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PSA: Don't preorder a game based on a preview, ever photo
PSA: Don't preorder a game based on a preview, ever
by Papa Niero

Games journalism criticism is a young field of business. As with any emerging practice it often likes to talk about itself, not because games writers are pretentious masturbatory bastards, but because we care to do the best job possible for those that patron our publications (that's you). We're also in the business of perfectly aligning our critiques with the commercial successes of games, otherwise we're big fat liars who stole your money. Wait, what?

In this latest episode of game dudes over-scrutinizing our craft, I present you three fascinating pieces of contemporary literature: A writer accusing the gaming press of a cover-up conspiracy (seriously?!) to preaching widespread embargo apocalypse, an editor-in-chief semi-apologizing for previews that may wasted his readers time, and a peculiar piece on Buzzfeed on whether or not sites like Destructoid are capable of ever truthfully assessing a product. The latter, of course, was received with a brutal tongue-lashing from his brighter contemporaries.

The entire argument at its core, if I may be blunt, asserts that gaming consumers are morons easily led astray by the gaming press because we are optimistic about our hobby. If you agree with this, I'd like to bite your face.

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6:45 PM on 02.14.2013

Reddit uncovers the PS4 controller's true functionality

Priceless. [Artwork by Farrow on NeoGaf. Thanks, Cybii]

Papa Niero



How Nintendo breaks hearts with the D.E.N.N.I.S. System photo
How Nintendo breaks hearts with the D.E.N.N.I.S. System
by Jim Sterling

Earlier this week, Nintendo's Shigeru Miyamoto claimed his company had failed to "communicate the value" of the Wii U to consumers, a turn of phrase that struck me as quite amusing. As a fan of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, all I could think of was the first stage of Dennis Reynolds' system of seduction, the D.E.N.N.I.S. System, whereby he "demonstrates value" to sucker a woman into falling for him. 

After thinking about it (and reading the Destructoid community's reaction to the Nintendo/Dennis connection), I started to realize Nintendo and Always Sunny's lecherous sociopath have way more in common, and that the D.E.N.N.I.S. System may well be applied to the company's business strategy in its entirety.

Nintendo might be taking lessons from the show as it perfects the art of seducing fans and breaking their hearts for its own sordid gains. 

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Is BioShock Infinite the worst box of all time? photo
Is BioShock Infinite the worst box of all time?
by Allistair Pinsof

There are few boxes as anticipated as BioShock Infinite, the long awaited box to prequels BioShock Limited Edition and BioShock for the PlayStation 3.

Irrational Games, known as 2K Boston during BioShock's release, made waves in the industry with critics and boring, ordinary game-playing people alike, in 2007. BioShock was everything boxes didn't dare to do at the time: It was bold, beautiful, and it had a message. You looked at that box and it spoke to the soul. It said, "Open me, stick me in your game box, and have a randy dandy time." We gaming folk finally discovered what true art is and why it's worth talking about all the dang time on NeoGAF.

After getting several hours of eyes-on ophthalmic exploration of Irrational's much anticipated follow-up, I have to say that BioShock Infinite is not the box we deserve.

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Wii U is blatantly better than PS3 and Xbox 360 COMBINED photo
Wii U is blatantly better than PS3 and Xbox 360 COMBINED
by Jim Sterling

The Wii U has had a chance to settle in North America, and just recently hit shelves in Europe. The question on everybody's lips is, of course -- is the Wii U the best home console in the world, and should I throw away every other expensive electronic device in my house out of pure spite?

The answer to both those questions is, of course, yes. Smash it all. Including your television. You won't need that anymore, because the GamePad basically is one. 

More importantly, you must know the Wii U is better than the Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 combined, because its release has been and always will be a gigantic pissing contest. It's not just better, in fact -- it's blatantly better. Find out why. 

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10:00 AM on 11.16.2012

How Xbox Live is blatantly better than PSN, animated

Thomas Truong, the man responsible for the excellent New Adventures of Podtoid, has been working on another project, and it's quite glorious. He's gone and taken a section of an old article I wrote, How Xbox Live is Blatantl...

Jim Sterling