This wasn’t my topic, but it is my area of expertise, and this gives me a chance to prove it. Sort of. Not really. But hear me out.
I’m not sure what our guy meant by the title, and I was about to ask for clarification when I thought that I could take it by the strictest meaning. In modern gaming, there isn’t a whole lot that isn’t on a handheld. The Switch gives access to a massive back catalog, and devices like the Steam Deck provide plenty of old PC games and ports to sift through. So, to make this extra challenging, I’m only going to talk about games that have not been officially released on a handheld platform.
Now, I’m well aware that there are ways to play a lot of these unofficially. You might even consider this a guide to some games you might want to play on a handheld unofficially. But in terms of official releases, these haven’t happened to my knowledge.
As a last note, I consider the PS2, Xbox, GameCube era to be retro. I also consider PS3, 360, Wii to be retro, but I don’t want to scare you, so I’ll dial it back. Listen, if Game Centre CX considers the PS2 to be retro, they have far more authority than most people on Earth.
Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen
Tactics Ogre was recently released on Switch with Tactics Ogre Reborn, but Square Enix frustratingly seems to forget the series that spawned it, which started with 1993’s Ogre Battle: The March of the Black Queen. Why this hasn’t seen a re-release on the Nintendo Switch Online platform, I have no idea.
Really, Ogre Battle should be released on a handheld with a sleep function, because some of the battles take over an hour. However, the mix of strategy and RPG feels like a good fit for a handheld format. Its sequel, Ogre Battle 64, is similar in that regard and would make for a good alternative.
Virtual Boy Wario Land
The Virtual Boy was portable, but it definitely wasn’t a handheld. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a success, either. Nintendo maybe wants to forget about it, or maybe they just don’t want to develop an emulation platform for a little over a dozen games.
Virtual Boy Wario Land doesn’t deserve to be buried with the platform. It’s a solid platformer and one of the best in the Wario Land series. The 3D audio and visuals were cool, but they aren’t required to enjoy the game. I just really wish Nintendo would give it due respect.
Chulip
Yes, I will take every opportunity possible to talk about my beloved Chulip. The PS2 joy maker is weird, hostile, cynical, and empathetic. It presents a simultaneously strange and mundane world where you get rewarded for helping people by kissing.
This would be another game that needs a handheld with sleep mode. Saving opportunities are pretty few and far between, and there’s a lot of waiting around. It’s not an easy game to put down because of this fact. I mean, you literally have to wait for a train to come and pick you up from where you are, ride back home, and go to sleep. However, the way it’s broken up into individual puzzles means it’s easy to make a bite-sized progression that works well on a handheld.
Battletanx
I’m not even certain who owns the Battletanx license after 3DO’s demise, but I’m guessing it’s Take-Two, as they own Army Men. Battletanx is this incredible vehicular combat game set in a post-apocalypse where most women were wiped out by a virus, leaving men to escalate things into full-on nuclear war. The levels are often over very quickly, making it easy to put down and pick back up later.
I really just want a re-release of Battletanx and its sequel, Battletanx: Global Assault. It’s an unfortunately forgotten duo of N64 games that deserve better respect, even if that just means they get put on Nintendo Switch Online
OutRun 2006: Coast 2 Coast
Sega is really weird about the OutRun series, to the point where I could have chosen any but the original game for this list. But while OutRun 2019 would be fun, OutRun 2006: Coast 2 Coast would be my pick. It was an incredibly faithful sequel to the original, capturing everything that made it an amazing arcade title and building on top of it with 3D graphics.
OutRun 2006 is actually best played in short sessions, since the main game is a sprint across one of two branching maps. As such, it’s tailored perfectly for handhelds.
Smash T.V.
A lot of arcade titles would translate well to a handheld setup. People typically stood in front of cabinets, so even if they fed quarter after quarter to the game to see the end, it typically wouldn’t be more than an hour away. As such, there are many arcade games available on handheld especially on the Switch where Arcade Archives is consistently putting out new titles.
However Smash T.V., one of my favorite arcade games of all time, has only ever been re-released on Antstream arcade. The current license owner, Warner Bros., doesn’t seem to see much value in tapping into Midway and Atari Games’ old properties. I’m hoping they eventually shape up or ship out (their properties to another publisher).
Space Channel 5
While this is the second Sega title to land on this list, the publisher isn’t nearly the worst when it comes to hoarding their back catalog. However, when it comes to Dreamcast games, they could certainly be better. Case in point, you can find Space Channel Part 2 on Steam, but not plain old Space Channel 5.
The titles are quirky rhythm games. Like many games in the series, this means they consist of short-ish stages that you gradually work through. The perfect formula for a handheld. Especially with headphones.
Goemon’s Great Adventure
I love the Goemon series, but we haven’t seen a whole lot of them in North America. Goemon’s Great Adventure was the second title on the N64, and one that was localized. While it’s tempting to put Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon on this list instead, that one was a more adventuresome game in the style of The Legend of Zelda, and is slightly less suitable for handheld. Goemon’s Great Adventure, on the other hand, is a level-based sidescroller. Perfect.
Unfortunately, Konami hasn’t done anything with Goemon in a long time, instead relegating the license to the Pachislot graveyard. Hope springs eternal that they’ll get around to a Goemon collection, but when it comes to anything Konami, I’ll believe it when I see it.
Final Fight 3
I had to double and triple-check Final Fight 3 because I’m astounded it never landed on the 3DS Virtual Console. It was on Wii and Wii U, but it seems like Capcom lost interest after that. The original Final Fight is available on handheld, including both Switch and Steam Deck as part of Capcom Arcade Stadium, but the two SNES sequels haven’t yet been ported.
Since Capcom has been willing to re-release Final Fight 3 in the past, I’m hopeful that it lands on the Nintendo Switch Online service. If not, then maybe Capcom has other plans for it. Something, please?
WWF No Mercy
Okay, so this is not going to happen. Wrestling games are such a good fit for handhelds with their matches of varying length and customization. Unfortunately, most of the ones we get on handheld are crap. Even WWE 2K22 and 2K23 aren’t supported on Steam Deck.
So, if we had to choose one wrestling game, I’d go with Virtual Pro Wrestling 2 on the N64. However, WWF No Mercy is more likely. That is to say, it isn’t likely at all. Not only is the WWE not allowed to call themselves the WWF anymore, but the licensed wrestlers mean that the chances of it being ported are nil. There’s no law against us dreaming, though.
