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News

Grand Theft Auto IV boxart revealed: All you white people look the same!

Image of Earnest Cavalli
Earnest Cavalli
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Published: Nov 28, 2007 11:04 am

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That clip up there is the just-released, brand-new, other-adjective-indicating-freshness reveal for the final boxart for Grand Theft Auto IV, the latest in Rockstar’s series of controversial simulations based on the obvious logical progression of Tupac Shakur’s stomach tattoo.

As much as the art looks real purty, after the striking multiculturalism and deep moral relevance of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas going back to a game about honkies is just counterproductive. Sure, it’s dope that they’re from Russia instead of Minnesota but you can’t say you can tell these crackers apart. Hell, I was waiting in line at the post office yesterday and this white kid — almost definitely a drug addict, dealer or rapist — comes up and asks me for the time! After shouting “get a job white bread,” I threatened to drag him behind my pickup truck for a few blocks to teach him a lesson about being uppity!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate white people, I’m just sick of what they’re doing to our inner cities and the way they’re influencing our children with their ignorant “adult contemporary” music. I say we lock them all in jail, and if we don’t have room in jail, we should invent bigger jails. They’re all just going to end up there anyway! 

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Grand Theft Auto
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Author
Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.