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Offbeat

Hey Ash Whatcha Playin' photo
Hey Ash Whatcha Playin'

Happy Friday! Have a HAWP about Ecco the Dolphin


Also Godwin's Law
Oct 23
// Darren Nakamura
It's Friday afternoon, and you know what that means. Game news slows down. You're doing lots of sitting around idly, pretending to be busy, waiting to slip out of work and start up the weekend as soon as possible. Maybe you n...
Old men have bad opinions photo
Old men have bad opinions

George Lucas, writer of Star Wars Episodes 1-3, said video games can't have plot


'It's not going to be Shakespeare'
Oct 19
// Steven Hansen
The man whose just about only claim to fame is biting Akira Kurosawa films but making all the characters wear pajamas, and then doing three more really fucking awful versions of that, has some opinions about story-telling in ...
Arma developer tanks photo
Arma developer tanks

Arma, DayZ developer bought a tank


We Bought a Tank
Oct 16
// Steven Hansen
Arma and DayZ developer Bohemia Interactive has bought itself a a decommissioned T-72 main battle tank. While the developer is doing incredibly well with zombie survival game DayZ, it's mostly known for its hardcore war game...
Lara statue photo
Lara statue

Free life-sized Tomb Raider statue for your Lara Croft shrine


Go get it, for our honor!
Oct 16
// Steven Hansen
Who says Twitter is not good for anything? Apparently PCGamer-et al publisher Future US is moving office and giving away this gigantic Lara Croft (or Future's president is a very small man) to anyone who "re-tweets" the post....
Parasite or feature? photo
Parasite or feature?

Metal Gear Solid V infinity boobs: More proof women are hard to animate


Bug or parasite suit feature?
Oct 15
// Steven Hansen
Kojima dedicated a lot of resources to Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain's jiggly physics, probably because of how many cutscene shots linger on Quiet's rack. And while Kojima Productions has done better than "women are t...
Los Angeles tax Dodgers photo
Los Angeles tax Dodgers

Minecraft streamer buys $4.9 million mansion near Notch's


Hollywooooood...Hollywood swinging!
Oct 11
// Steven Hansen
It may pale in comparison to the $70 million mansion Notch outbid Jay-Z and Beyonce on (spending G's indeed), but YouTube video maker Jordan "CaptainSparklez" Maron just bought himself a $4.5 million house in the Hollywood Hi...
Phantom Pain spoilers? photo
Phantom Pain spoilers?

Metal Gear Solid V has a real bad bird problem


Fun with mods
Sep 29
// Steven Hansen
Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain got a PC release. Thus, the above. Also that puppy D-Dog swap.
Tactical Nokia Action photo
Tactical Nokia Action

Snake? Snake! is Snake but with Metal Gear Snakes


Tactical Nokia Action
Sep 28
// Steven Hansen
Grab a friend (or brother!). Snake? Snake! is competitive Snake starring Solid and Liquid Snakes. The rules are slightly different from the cellphone game you remember. There is a taunt button. Matches last 30 seconds. You ca...
Graphic photo
Graphic

Metal Gear Solid V's Diamond Dog has realistic carnal needs


(National Geo)graphic warning
Sep 10
// Steven Hansen
I've been ignoring DD a bit in The Phantom Pain after I spent a few missions trying to figure Quiet out, and then ended up sticking with her to try and max out her social link. I do miss being able to pet pup on command. Then again, if this kind of ungodly behavior is what that wretched beast is going to get up to then I, as a family man, cannot abide.
The Phantom Pain photo
The Phantom Pain

Metal Gear Solid's '5 stages' of Fulton extraction


Getting flustered by a dialogue bark
Sep 07
// Steven Hansen
Have you Fulton'd a bear yet? I got jumped by one in an early mission. Those growls before the attack were pretty terrifying. I sprinted in circles on the horse trying to tranq the thing and when I finally put it to sleep, of...
Fallout 4 demake photo
Fallout 4 demake

Fallout 4 mock up done in the style of the original games


The first person shooter
Sep 02
// Steven Hansen
Here's a fun reminder: Bethesda has made one proper Fallout game so far (we're discounting Fallout Shelter for impact). Before Bethesda's Fallout 3, which came ten years after Fallout 2, the series was isometric, like many co...
Phantom Pain photo
Phantom Pain

Watch where you drop your supplies in Metal Gear Solid V


Horsin' around
Sep 02
// Steven Hansen
That horse, post clonking, is how I feel all the time. This mistake (or, let's be real, I'm sure this was intentional) is still better than when I tried to be cheeky and knock out an enemy like this, only to have him casually...
BREAKING photo
BREAKING

REPORT: This is what a Bullet Bill's butthole looks like


Live on scene at PAX Prime in Seattle
Aug 28
// Steven Hansen
Venerable Super Mario villain Bullet Bill (really, villain? He just a bullet, he goes where he is shot, he has no say in the matter!) is most often seen in profile thanks to his 2D leanings. However, if this official character mock up provided by Nintendo at its PAX Prime booth answers that age-old question: what does a Bullet Bill's butthole look like?
Lighthouses photo
Lighthouses

Today is National Lighthouse Day, go play To the Moon


Everything's Alright
Aug 07
// Darren Nakamura
We have a lot of silly "holidays" in the United States, when we don't actually take off work but instead just take a few minutes to think about a thing we maybe don't often think about. Today is National Lighthouse Day, so le...
Mario's li'l dick photo
Mario's li'l dick

Mario's silhouette shows off his li'l dick


Also he shares animations with Kid Kool
Aug 04
// Darren Nakamura
Mario has been with us for a long time. He's an icon. He has been scrutinized, discussed, and deified among gamers. That doesn't matter at all right now. What matters right now is Mario's silhouette looks like it has a li'l d...
Assassin's Creed photo
Assassin's Creed

Assassin's Creed screenshots matched up to the real world


Rome-ing about Europe
Aug 04
// Joe Parlock
Tumblr user Haricotkenway recently went on a trip around Europe, and has managed to line up screenshots from Assassin’s Creed with the real-life equivalent of the famous landmarks. While the idea may not be new, I still...
Destructoid at gamescom photo
Destructoid at gamescom

Things I watched on the plane to gamescom


Love the smell of my boyfriend's Cologne
Aug 03
// Steven Hansen
My standards go out the window while I ate the "pasteurized process cheese food" provided by United as an in-flight snack. If you have to designate your product as "food," there is a problem. It tasted like a cheesy Ritz with...
Dick slip photo
Dick slip

Miiverse moderation can't catch ALL the dicks


NSFW dick slip
Jul 23
// Steven Hansen
Sometimes they just slip through the cracks.
Dogs are good photo
Dogs are good

Dog gives crying baby PS3 controller in apology


Dogs are great and babies are lame
Jul 17
// Steven Hansen
This baby is bad at sharing. The beagle felt bad about taking its toy, so it apologized by giving it many new ones, including a DualShock 3. It also might be trying to suffocate the baby, I'm not sure. Dogs are great.
HAWP photo
HAWP

Length vs lesbians: HAWP has Gone Home


Season 5, episode 1
Jul 09
// Steven Hansen
Season 5 of Hey Ash Watcha Playin'? debuted today. The show originally aired right here on 'ol Destructoid before ending up on Game Trailers until 2013. Since then, episodes have been sparse, often sponsored, ending up along...
Weird engine tests photo
Weird engine tests

Mario, but completely covered in fur thanks to Unreal 4


More weird engine tests
Jul 07
// Steven Hansen
Do you remember how many Super Mario Bros. recreations littered LittleBigPlanet? Mario is iconic. He is video games. So it's not surprising folks messing around in Unreal Engine 4 continue to use the model. It's more fun in ...
E3 photo
E3

Destructoid at E3: Steven eats a banana


Jordan ate some string cheese
Jun 17
// Brett Makedonski
[BREAKING: ORDER REVERSED! ORDER REVERSED! See pic below.] Eating healthy is important when you're at an event that's as hustle and bustle as E3. That's why Steven takes a minute out of his day to give his body the nutrients it deserves by scarfing down a delicious banana. Stay tuned for part two later tonight, in which he'll down too much whiskey and cry into his street burrito.
Hot Pooper Gaming photo
Hot Pooper Gaming

Watch an Xbox Avatar shove Hot Pockets up its ass


This, this is my fetish.
May 25
// Jed Whitaker
Finally...next gen has arrived. Finally.
Mario Kart 200cc photo
Mario Kart 200cc

Mario Kart 8's Cheese Land will crush your spirit on 200cc


Brake drifting is our saving grace
Apr 24
// Jordan Devore
Mario Kart 8 feels fresh again and not just because of the fabulous new tracks added in this week's Animal Crossing-themed DLC Pack 2. Nintendo also unleashed the humbling 200cc class in a free update for the game. We saw the...
Xenoblade photo
Xenoblade

Whoa there Xenoblade Chronicles X alien, put on some pants!


Alien pubes
Apr 24
// Jordan Devore
There's a special Nintendo Direct going on right now for Xenoblade Chronicles X. As someone who has paid little attention thus far, I have no idea what's happening despite the Direct's best attempts at setting the stage and l...
Pregnant Elsa photo
Pregnant Elsa

Rub kiwi juice on pregnant Elsa's belly, and more terrible Frozen games


Do you want to clean a baby?
Apr 20
// Brett Makedonski
A few months ago, Jordan dutifully informed us of a game that we probably could've gone our whole lives without knowing about: a Frozen game in which Anna gives birth. What if I told you there are more Frozen pregn...
DK Rap photo
DK Rap

Yes, Nintendo, this Kong IS one hell of a guy


The Wii U port of Donkey Kong 64 says the swear
Apr 16
// Jordan Devore
And let's keep it that way. None of that "heck" monkey business. Or Donkey Kong Frappuccinos.
Veryman! photo
Veryman!

I hope Veryman.Expert becomes America's next great pastime


Let's fast track this sucker
Apr 10
// Jordan Devore
Think about the weirdest thing you saw today. Veryman.Expert is probably weirder. It's a browser-based god game, so to speak, about creating men. There are no losers, ever. You can adjust your man's movements -- a touch of Le...
Super Mario 64 photo
Super Mario 64

Stretching Mario's face will never get old


We're all guilty
Apr 10
// Jordan Devore
Now that it's downloadable for Wii U, Super Mario 64 has entered my life again. It wasn't my favorite Nintendo 64 title -- heck, it wasn't even my favorite 3D platformer on the console -- but it was a formative game and, comi...
Gross Sonic statue photo
Gross Sonic statue

Make an unholy shrine to Sonic out of bones


Preferably chicken bones, but whatever works
Apr 06
// Jordan Devore
In this episode of Craft Lab, hosts Anna Akana and Greg Aronowitz craft a Sonic the Hedgehog statue partially out of chicken bones. It's cut down the middle to show his insides. Eww. If I went into someone's home and saw one of these on display, I wouldn't expect to leave alive. Would've been less creepy if they had kept Sonic's legs nice and lanky.

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