Something’s gonna always keep it down!
Iāve never seen Karate Kid. It was a bit before my time, but Iāve seen movies like The Goonies, so thatās really no excuse. I probably should, but I have a stack of ā80s action movies to get through, and I watch movies about as much as I drink water: rarely enough that you should be concerned. Itās funny, I can sit down and play games for most of the day, but a two-hour movie? Nah.
Instead, I played the NES game. Yes, watching the movie would have assuredly been a better use of my time. Iām sure it would have also provided meaningful context, but that’s what plot synopsis is for.
Karate Kid is actually an adaptation of the first two movies. The first level is a recreation of the tournament at the end of the original movie, while everything after that takes place in Okinawa, the location of the second. I suppose thatās one way to adapt the source material, as I wouldnāt say itās exactly video game friendly, but that didnāt stop publishers in the ā80s.
The first part of the game is essentially a one-on-one fighting game, but after that, itās this weird side-scrolling beat-āem-up. You go from the left side of the screen and run to the right, as is law in platformers, and kick dudes in the face. Was that in the movie? I read something about grocery thugs, so maybe thatās it.
I guess you can make everything into a beat-āem-up, but Karate Kid isnāt a particularly good one. For instance, I figured out early on that I didnāt need the punch button. Thereās no real reason for this, the two attacks are just interchangeable. Most of the enemies die in a single blow, regardless of whether or not youāre touching them with your hands or feet. This changes for the last level because Karate Kid needed a way to be an extra dick.
Itās okay, I know a way around it. See, the game only allows two enemies on screen at a time, so if you jump over two of them and lead them through the level, no more will spawn and you can just walk to the end. I missed my calling as a Game Counselor. Itās like cheating, except youāre just taking advantage of lazy programming.
Speaking of lazy programming, you perform the crane kick and the drum punch by standing still and hitting the kick or punch button. This uses a limited resource that you pick up through minigames and in the game world. You have to keep moving, otherwise, you just waste your special attacks. Itās impressive because it manages to be simple, confusing, and pointless at the same time.
Not that you necessarily need them. Maybe for the boss battle at the end. But when most of the enemies die in a single hit for most of the game, thereās not much sport in hitting them harder.
Youāve got three lives to clear four levels, and while it may take you a few attempts to see the end, Karate Kid is disorientingly short. By my count, there are two enemy types. Daniel-san changes his outfit three times throughout the game, which is impressive considering thereās very little variation to everything else. Someone really thought the protagonist needed to change his clothes, so that made it in against everything else that might have made the game actually fun.
Karate Kid is really one of those weak license tie-in games that you hear about. The one that gets kids really excited for it then teaches them to be ready for a life full of disappointment.
Or not, because even though Karate Kid isnāt very much fun, itās not the worst licensed game Iāve played on the NES. Predator is potentially the worst, but Iāll get back to you with my full report once I actually finish it.
No, Karate Kid is just a waste of time. It feels slapped together and only technically works because its gameplay is so simple it would be hard to fail entirely. The design document had to be two pages long. Perhaps it only contained three words: āKarate=Punch+Kick.ā Itās not a bad formula, it just seems so commonly applied in the most mundane ways.
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Published: Aug 28, 2021 07:00 pm