It’s Sunday, everyone, and you know what that means!
No mail, football games, and Sunday Sidequests! And somethin’ about Jesus, I’m sure!
This week I have your regular dose of ball kicking badassery in a delicious, thick, frothy Flash-liquid, served in your favorite mug, chilled. I know, I’m the best bartender in the world. Just stop eating all the peanuts, leave me a sweet tip, and we’ll be cool, baby.
Hit the jump for the aforementioned badass mumbo jumbo.
Cosmic Crush – God damnit, I found this game before it was on Digg.
Cosmic Crush is a bitch of a game. Not as much a bitch as let’s say, All Lights, or CTZ, but a bitch nonetheless. That said, it’s always down for a good time, and really, you’re desperate, and you don’t have much else better to do. You’ll get Cosmic Crush on the phone, tell her to come on over, and for 5 minutes, you’ll enjoy her presence. You’ll roll off her, and try to catch a quick snooze, but she won’t let you. She’s so frustrating.
Soon enough, you’ll kick her out of your house until the next time your sick, twisted mind calls out for a quick flash bang. I think I dropped a bad pun in that metaphor, but it’s best not to tread in those waters, metaphorically speaking. I’m so lost right now.
(Someone get me a map, lool.)
Rage 2! – All the fun of rage, with an exclamation point.
When I think of rage, I think of feminists. When I think of Rage 2, I think of blowing up feminists with grenade launchers. I also pretend I’m a stick figure. Needless to say, Rage 2 is the clear winner. Remember guys, it’s bad to hit women, but it’s not so bad to pretend you’re blowing them up on the internets. I just find the golden median and do both.
Boxhead The Rooms – Flash TV. If you don’t get my little pun there, you are not gamer enough.
So, let’s talk about Boxhead. I don’t get the name of the game, but really, that doesn’t matter, ’cause there are zombies everywhere. That’s right, zombies. Zombies are the best excuse for poor AI, really. “Why do they walk slowly and in lines?” “They’re f*ckin’ zombies.”
Remember to shoot ’em in the head. (He killed your parents! His axe is on fire!)
Lightning Round – Where I strike down upon you with great vengeance and furious anger.
Rage! – Just for a sense of history, here’s the OG Rage, a game rife with anger and… well, rage.
Chain Reaction – I tend to click randomly in this one.
Music Stomp – 75% funk by volume (PUN!).
Orbit – A fun, loopy little game (someone kill me).
The Idiot Test – This is idiotic.
Well, that’s all we have time for this week, folks. See you next time, where I’ll try to get this on the front page on time! WHOO!
(Oh, and, if you have any submissions, send them to [email protected])