Sony hates England most of all (also, slavery is terrible)

It seems that Sony has a vendetta against England. Kikizo has an article up today saying that the PS3 is going to cost a whopping £425 in England, making it the most expensive territory in which you can purchase one. £425 is the equivalent of $842.44USD, which is utterly insane. Even worse, England’s price is higher than that of mainland Europe and it’s also higher than the price in Ireland. Keeping in mind that Ireland is like thirty feet away from England and is actually a part of the United Kingdom, Sony’s decision is just frankly mean.

Maybe I missed the day in history class where the teacher told us all about the Anglo-Nipponese War, but it seems to me that Sony is just ratcheting up the price of the PS3 out of spite. Spite for who, you ask? The Church of England.

Stay with me for a moment, this is gonna get kinda deep.

In 1832, it was rumored that the Church of England, with the help of the Zoroastrians was funneling profits from American railroad companies (who were controlled by the Skull And Bones), that were made primarily through the indentured service of Chinese immigrants. Many assumed the Chinese came to America to seek a better life and were unjustly exploited, but in reality the Japanese were scooping up handfuls of Chinese citizens using steam powered robots, then (literally) catapulting them across the Pacific to the waiting arms of American industrialists. Of course, once the American people realized how horrid the treatment of their Chinese brethren really was, they boycotted the railroad system (causing the eventual collapse of both the Reading Railroad and the Underground Railroad). This took profits away from the Church of England and since they couldn’t rightfully attack the American people (they were still smarting from the kick in the knickers we’d given them half a century earlier), they sent giant dirigibles to kidnap Japanese children in an effort to replace the Chinese workers who were now under the protection of the precursor of the modern day Triads. The Japanese have harbored a grudge for almost two hundred years and now they’ve finally found a way to strike back for all of the children they lost; jacking up the price on the PlayStation 3.

Revenge is a dish best served via confusing anti-historical explanations! 

(Editor’s Note: That picture of Churchill applies to everything! — Nex) 

About The Author
Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.
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