Super Mario Bros. Movie Shoes
Image via Red Wing Shoes

Red Wing Shoes made a real pair of Mario clodhoppers, but you can’t have them

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Red Wing Shoes have shown off their pair of replica kicks made in celebration of the upcoming Super Mario Bros. Movie. Unfortunately, they’re not selling them.

The company shows the creation process in a video that would be effective ASMR if they didn’t underline it with dramatic music. With painstaking stitching, a bit of hammering, and some good old-fashioned glue, they put a bunch of dead cows together to create the sort of shoes that kids get made fun of for wearing at school. The shoes appear to be officially sanctioned by Nintendo, but if not, this company is very excited about the Super Mario Bros. Movie.

Once again, the caveat here is that you cannot buy these shoes, not in the usual shoe sense where they were all bought up by scalpers and are being resold for a few jillion dollars, but in the literal sense where they’re simply not up for sale. This is possibly because the Mario games have shown that they are deadly weapons capable of crushing anything without a hard shell.

Not that I would personally want to. They have laces. No one has time for laces. Do kids even know how to tie laces anymore? Kids these days…

On the other hand, this is great advertising for Red Wing Shoes.  I had never heard of them, but there are some nice boots here! This may surprise you, but video game people like myself don’t have much need for a practical pair of work boots. I do stub my toe sometimes, but not enough that I need some safety-toed boots to wear at my desk.

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Zoey Handley
Staff Writer - Zoey is a gaming gadabout. She got her start blogging with the community in 2018 and hit the front page soon after. Normally found exploring indie experiments and retro libraries, she does her best to remain chronically uncool.