Proof that there is no god: Pimp My Ride The Game!

Dubyoo Tee Eff?!

Yes, this is actually a game coming to an Xbox 360 near you. Don’t try to imagine what the game mechanics would consist of; it’s totally futile. I tried for about 20 minutes and geysers of blood erupted from my ears and covered my cat in viscous fluid and brain matter. She was not amused, to say the least.

I know MTV is in the “turn black people into branding icons for 14 year old white people” business, but who was the genius who decided that they needed to make this inane show interactive? I imagine the meeting went something like this;

Bob: Gentleman, any ideas on which minority we can exploit this week?
Jameson: Well, we’ve given that “Exhibit” fellow his own show, right? Why don’t we turn it into a video game? It worked with that other negro, “Fifty Cent”, and I think it could work here too.
Geldoff: Sir, the latest numbers indicate that white children, ages 12-21, absolutely love to see black people exploited for their entertainment. Short of putting a dancing bear in a cage, I think this is the way to go.
Bob: Fantastic! Make it happen! I’m going to be siphoning money out of your pensions for the rest of the day, so no one bother me.
Jameson and Geldoff: Sieg Heil!

Don’t support this kind of thing. It makes gamers as a whole look dumber and pushes our past time further and further away from the coveted “Games As Art” pedestal we should be striving for. In 10 years time, I want to be playing Halo 12 while wearing a monocle and chatting up PJ Harvey about the time I punched Sean Lennon in the face. Together, we can make my dreams come true!

(Coming Soon: Pimp My Ride: Female Cleansing Wipes!)

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.