You’ll be entertained for tens of minutes
Alright folks, let’s have some Sunday fun. Googling your name plus ‘the hedgehog’ leads to some hilarious stuff. The majority of what you find will be on DeviantArt, such as that header by Shadicfan123 (shadic? Is that some unholy fuckombination of Sonic and Shadow? I’m not googling that). So let’s see what the current front page staff looks like as hedgehogs!
I wrote this, so I get to have TWO hedgehogs. If you don’t like that, TOUGH SHIT.
Zack:
Since the name Zack has always been shorthand for “’90s kid with a ‘tude and a ‘board,” JC Veiga made a hedgehog that’s totally tubular. Also, when I found this image, a website called the Cringe Channel suggested this little game that we’re playing right now, so I guess that’s proof that I’m not an original person in the least.
Jordan:
I don’t know, Jordan looks pretty dope. Like that guy who’s wearing the cool clothes in high school, and you’re super jealous of his shoes, but then ten years later you look back at the yearbook photos and he looks like a complete fucking tool. Hypershadic01 is responsible for this one (shadic again? Oh no).
Chris:
Man, Chris even comes with a character sheet. I’m really digging his asymmetrical spiked knee choker — that shows you just how badass he is. I like that Chris is also English and very rarely flirts with women and has his own special Tron jacket. Thanks dajamodernthehedgie for this gift. When I found this image, it was attached to a reddit thread about Googling your name + the hedgehog because apparently this is A Thing and I’m the last one to know about it, dammit.
Steven:
Steven the hedgehog came up with a plethora of great material, but nothing quite spoke to me like the first result: ste ven. Ste ven is super cool because he has blonde hair (quills? What the fuck is Sonic’s design?) and a jacket that matches with the magical letters that float with him, denoting his name at all time. Good work, kseg507.
Brett:
Okay, this one is too cute. Look at widdle Brett up there, eager and determined to go fast despite his weirdly shaped feet and overly huge gloved fists. My only criticism, wheatley200001, is that your underlining technique needs some work.
Alissa:
You might think I’m an asshole for choosing a hypersexualized hedgehog for the first woman to come up on this list. I assure you, this is the least sexualized ladyhog I saw. Alissa, Dragonheart69 made you look like a combination between a Sega character and a Bratz doll.
Ben:
Oh man Ben, you scary. Scars, an ear piercing, and a waveform on your teeth that makes you look sinister means I’m not fucking with Ben anytime soon. Chromeinthedome knows how to make a scary mascot character.
Caitlin:
I’m diggin 9-2-6‘s take on a one-eyed ‘hog here. She’s boobalicious and has a weirdly translucent gold pendant that’s also maybe a booby window. I’m not quite sure. Caitlin even comes with what looks like a horrible dying Shadow pixie that’s suffering from a wicked nosebleed.
CJ:
I’m breaking the rules to keep the fun fresh. CJ gets to be a Cathog instead, an abominable fusion of kitty and hedgie. I don’t know who to credit for this one, but thanks for making CJ so sexy.
Jed:
Themarvelousmilotic brought Jed to life with the entire spectrum of markers here. That’s actually some pretty dang cool blending/shading, but I don’t know a damn thing about art, so maybe don’t listen to me. I do wonder why there are rainbow waves coming out of his head, though.
Jonathan:
Ahahahahaha, IRGI1997 actually made Jonathan into a vamphog, and color-coordinated his name with his blouse. I’ve never met Jonathan, but this is how I’m always going to imagine him from now on.
Josh:
I’m very into the idea of Josh as a hedgegeteer (ugh), and apparently so is Silvaze-Love. I mean, a hedgehog with a sword is a bad idea and we should have learned from Sonic and the Black Knight starring Martin Lawrence, but that’s okay, I forgive you Silvaze.
Myles:
Sorry Myles, sonicluver678 decided that you’re merely allowed to be a Sonic with green shit poured over him. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Nic:
Nicthehedgehog decided that Nic the hedgehog should be business casual, and I AM ALL ABOUT THIS SHIT. He’s got that sweet tie-and-jeans combo along with blonde highlights that no man or woman can deny. I’m slightly disturbed that we can see the inside of his eyelid, but business is tough, man.
Patrick:
This one by ShadeTheHedgehog2012 is extra hilarious to me because our Patrick is a school teacher. I hope that’s not a secret. Did I just out Patrick and his secret career? I hope not. Oh well, worth the fifteen clicks I’ll get from this.
Stephen:
Mr-Mecha seems to know Stephen on a very surface level. You think just because he writes about Silent Hill a bunch that he only wears black and denim? I think you’re thinking of me and my lazy clothing choices. Honestly, I just want to know what the goggles are for.
Niero:
Nothing really came up for Niero except past Destructoid/Sonic relations. But Niero’s weird and appreciates irreverence, so he gets an ice cream truck.
Darren (who I forgot to hedgehog and am adding now):
LiyuConberma must actually know our Darren. Y’see, Darren is our science guy so I imagine we wears a labcoat (similar to the duster up above, but more white and boring) and is also smart and probably has a third eye. What’s that, you say? Third eyes are usually associated with spiritualism, not sciencism? Shut your damn mouth.
I guess my little game here was far from a novel idea, but I had fun exploring our inner hedgehogs and hope you did too. I hope to see a post about this on every major gaming website so I can see what other writers look like when they become furry and fast.
