Gears of War 4 proves Marcus Fenix actually had sex

His son is the star of Gears 4

You might think late-game John Travolta lookalike and longtime Gears of War star Marcus Fenix never made it to pound town on account of being a ghastly, thick-necked meathead, but Fenix did indeed get his dick wet, free of protection, probably bumping that ODB, according to the latest Game Informer cover story.

If his perpetual someone-pissed-in-my-cereal — Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds, I hope — mug can get it in then there’s hope for all of us to get as di-neep as Earl Stevens (yup).

The main protagonist of Ge4rs is JD Fenix, Marcus’ son, an “idealist who ran away from home at a young age to join the the COG militia only to go AWOL after a classified incident that players will learn more about during the game.” He’s got Central’s blond cut from XCOM 2 (something close to the Brad Pitt Fury look), piercing blue eyes, and some handsome stubble. He looks focus tested to all hell, or like an Instagram model. Basically the modern handsome man ideal (according to western/white beauty staples). He is the Brad Pitt in Fight Club alt machismo to Marcus’ Dolph Lundgren.

From there we’ve got a Fast & Furious-style spread. Mind, the Gears series has always been similarly multi-cultural. It just looks a bit more…ham-fisted here? Like Fast & Furious, previous Gears organically included other folks (F&F also smartly stopped trying to play Paul Walker as lead as opposed to one of them), but the way this trio is outfitted, with the beautiful, rugged blond man as “primary protagonist” and diversity check boxes hit with the supporting cast just feels so calculated. Especially coupled with the cast’s post-apocalyptic Brooklyn hipster vibe, again going from early Gears‘ hyper-masculinity to this rebirth of slick. It looks like the exact cast for any new cable TV show, basically. Gears of War 4 will debut on TNT.

I mean, I suppose it’s better than giant ham hock necks and grey grit.

Kait Diaz has dead parents and was born outside the city walls, so she’s a bit rough around the edges. She’s voiced by Laura Bailey (Kid Trunks from DBZ, Fiona from Tales from the Borderlands), whom is, to my knowledge, not Hispanic. Then again Bailey also plays a black woman in Uncharted 4 and a black guy voices the Japanese samurai, Jack, in Samurai Jack. Both Diaz and Fenix have evolved a bit from when we last saw them.

Then there’s Delmont “Del” Walker, no relation to Wardell Stephen “Dell” Curry, whose son, Wardell Stephen “Steph” Curry II is on pace for 401 three pointers in this NBA season (the previous record was 286 in a single season, set by Steph himself last season). Del is JD’s “my best friend is black,” invoking Scrubs. He also has a beard, because beards are hip now, unfortunately. “Del was an orphan who became friends with JD at boarding school. When JD ran off to join the Army, Del followed his lead.”

There’s your Ge4rs cast. They still should’ve called it Ge4rs.

Exclusive Reveal: Meet The New Cast Of Gears Of War 4 [Game Informer]

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