A Hong Kong magazine has featured a review of Final Fantasy XIII, and it’s one of the most damning reviews of all time. We don’t normally post stories about another outlet’s review content, but this is too amazing to ignore. Calling Final Fantasy XIII the “biggest joke of 2009” and a huge swindle is something worth seeing.
“The game is complete linearity until the open areas near the end. You can’t even backtrack,” writes the reviewer. “Of all the RPGs I’ve played in recent years, this is the first which has been so linear that it’s little more than riding an amusement park ride.”
The combat system was torn to shreds as well: “A button mashing puzzle game with no real strategy or RPG elements and a plethora of annoying features, game as a whole is little more than a digital novel of sorts. For such a game to approach 2 million copies sold must be due solely to the strength of the Final Fantasy brand … biggest swindle in gaming history … biggest joke of 2009.”
The game received a 4/10 in the score department:
Scenario: 2.0 — “An epic tear jerker”
System: 1.0 — “Such a crude system barely warrants being called an RPG at all.”
Graphics: 9.0 — “Full marks here.”
Sound: 7.0 — “Mostly quality.”
Enthusiasm: 1.0 “As if you could play this for 100 hours! I could put up with 8.”
Total: 4.0 — “To think it got this bad…”
No idea how you can get a 2.0 for something considered an “epic tear jerker,” but there you go. Apparently the review was so intense and surprising that even the magazine issued a disclaimer calling the journalist in question a “non-gamer” and “borderline-retarded.” So yeah, if you value the opinion of retarded non-gamers in Hong Kong, steer clear of Final Fantasy XIII!