With Electronic Arts having revealed its fangs of late with an attempted hostile takeover of Take-Two, it was about time that the Empire of the games industry showed the world what it was truly like. Cue the arrival of Lord Riccivader, and EA’s new name — Evil Acquirers, Inc.
As I’ve always said, EA is pure evil and the company itself has finally come out and admitted so. EA’s new Web site, EatTake2.com shares with us Evil Acquirers’ blissful vision of a galactic utopia under one glorious banner of nefariousness. Its message to “Taketooine’s” shareholders makes things very clear regarding the company’s offer of $26 per share to swallow its victim whole:
Now look into my eyes. Look into my eyes and trust me when I tell you that you will never get a better offer than this. $26 is the most that we, or anyone else, will ever propose. Ever! And Evil Acquirers, Inc. is liable to walk away at any moment. Why? Because your planet has nothing of value. GTA? It’s had its day. BioShock? A one-hit wonder. Sports? It means nothing to us. Face it, folks, you are carrying a pile of dog shit in a wet paper bag and we are offering you a king’s ransom to take it off your hands. Accept the money and be grateful.
This is the future of the games industry people. Embrace your new masters now, or embrace death later. Sell YOUR soul today, because no better offer is coming.
