You know what’s easier than writing a post entirely about nothing on a Sunday evening in which I have hours of work ahead of me? Not writing a post entirely about nothing on a Sunday evening in which I have hours of work ahead of me!
To make up for my utter laziness, I bring you a snippet from my unpublished screenplay Shark Machine 3: JAWESOME!:
Leonard: Why would you possibly think that giving a shark a computer for a brain would make it more docile? SHARKS ARE KILLING MACHINES! THEY KNOW ONLY BLOOD AND TERROR!
Chun: It wasn’t a computer! It was a nanomachine with the innate tendencies of a hornet — there’s a HUGE difference.
Gina: So we’re being hunted by a shark that thinks it’s a hornet that thinks it’s a computer? I should have stayed in Burbank …
Destructoid’s editors are many things: intelligent, hard-working, slightly more attractive than the stereotype, but if there is one thing they aren’t it’s NOT PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!
Honestly, when the best I can come up with is a double negative, I really should be back in bed. Here’s our games of the week:
Brad Rice:
Now that I’m done with Persona 3, it’s high time for me to return to actually playing Oblivion. Apart from playing some of Hotel Dusk, I’ve been spending my time reading books (gasp!) or doing pen and paper RPGs — both of which are socially deviant enough to make it into this column.
Jim Sterling:
Pretty much the exact same as last week. Mopping up achievements on Dynasty Warriors 5 (what? I like arbitrary, meaningless scores. Shove it) and being frustrated by Castlevania. For some inane reason I also picked up Jetpack Refuelled. In preparation for my not being able to buy new games for a while (trips to America do that), I am yet again sniffing around retro games of yore — which just means playing Streets of Rage for the millionth time.
Nick Chester:
To cool my wild Pac-Man jones I’ve had lately, I purchased a copy of Namco Museum for the Game Boy Advance just so I could play Ms. Pac-Man on a trip I took this week. All told, I probably played something like six hours of Ms. Pac-Man. When I wasn’t playing Namco Museum, I was getting much deeper into Puzzle Quest for the Nintendo DS, a game that I almost decided to get rid of, until I realized exactly what I was doing. I’m glad I took the time, for sure.
I have no idea why (*cough*), but I have this sudden urge to replay all of the old Ratchet and Clank titles, so by the time you read this, I should be doing that. Much to the dismay of my neighbors, I’m playing Boogie on the Wii for review, and the Xbox 360 version of NASCAR 08.
Hamsa “CTZ” Aziz:
I got to play some Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare yesterday. I’ve never been able to get into the CoD games before because of the era they protrayed. So I finally have a resean to like this franchise now.
Also had some hands-on time with the Stranglehold single player (not the XBL demo) as well as Area 51: Blacksite. Stranglehold got really old, really fast. Area 51 was fun, but the demo’s were too short to really get into them.
Dale North:
All other games have been set aside for the wackiness that is PS3’s Piyotama. I’m hooked. Every time I think I have a good score, I check the rankings, and there I see how far I have to go.
Topher Cantler:
I played through San-X Chara Sagashi Land, which ended rather abruptly with no real reward other than a bunch of strange pictures to look at. Afterward, I moved on to Bionic Commando and Donkey Kong Jungle Climber for the DS. I also played about 20 minutes of Alien Hominid last night, until my 360 froze, red ringed, told me I was unloved, kicked me in the balls, and took my lunch money. I hate you, Microsoft. I hope you’re listening to the next episode of RetroforceGO.
Colette Bennett:
I’ve been playing WoW and not despising it for the very first time (this is a miracle beyond my actual comprehension) and Hexic on 360 because I love mindless puzzling. Also, checked out the Eternal Sonata demo and I am more in love with that game than ever. If it has a decent story, I could have faith in the future of RPGs for 360.
Ron Workman:
I have been playing Airplane Flying Person Simulator 5000 for the life, COD4 on the 360, Showing CTZ the baby bird I caught, and Showgirls for the Wii.
Nex:
Realistically, I spent my entire week playing through Pokemon Diamond and Diablo II, if only because I had no other way to amuse myself, but I also want to mention the fact that I picked up The Red Star and have been smashing my head against it for the last day or two. When people say that it creates almost an entirely new genre by combining the old shump and beat-em-up genres, they aren’t lying. Seriously, it’s a quality title that I fear is going to be hugely overlooked by the general public thanks to its platform, indie style and out-of-the-mainstream gameplay.
Leigh Alexander:
Even though I got my Xbox just a couple days ago, I haven’t done anything with it because it needs a wireless adapter and possibly some games. I’ve been messing around with FFXI here and there, despite the fact it’s beginning to dawn on me that I don’t like MMOs. I’ve been playing ridiculous amounts of Pokemon, which is probably the reason I haven’t beaten Persona 3 yet, so I’m also still playing that.
Faith:
I’ve been working on the old Brain Age and Phoenix Wright for the DS still. I think I’m getting smarter. I’ve also jumped back into Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess for the Wii. Finally finished the Water Temple and now I have to find Zelda at the castle.
Chad Concelmo:
I am playing Final Fantasy VI Advance for, like, the 40th time. And I am still blown away that there is an actual prostitute in that game and that she tells Edgar her boobs are named Humpty and Dumpty. Is that not weird? Seriously, that’s weird, right?
Niero:
Nothing can tear me away from Kororinpa: Marble Mania on the Wii. Nothing. After completing 75% you get this little gymnast in a marble-cage called Charlie, and he screams and complains as you hurl him around and also moves around on his own. My life has changed since we met. I also bought this game for my parents. My stepmom thought Wii Sports was kinda retarded but according to my dad this was the first thing she wanted to do when they got up this weekend. Seriously, this is the sleeper game of the year.
Aaron Linde:
My copy of Persona 3 should finally be arriving in a few hours, and from what I hear it’s pretty damn good. In the meanwhile I’m digesting Mario Strikers and wasting hours on Civilization 4: Beyond the Sword. You know what rocks? ICBMs. If the Carthaginians weren’t already stuck in the stone age, I’d send ’em there myself on a cruise missile, Dr. Strangelove style.
Grim:
I purchased a few budget titles because none of the newer games have really interested me and BioShock will be out soon enough. Jet Set Radio Future, Dino Crisis 3, and Burnout Revenge have eaten up most of my free time this week.
Gameboi:
I’ve been sneaking in some quality time with an old favorite of mine (Silent Hill 2) this week, when not busy checking items off my current honey-do list.
That’s the end of the list, and I’m going back to beating up post-apocalyptic, psuedo-Russkie, alterna-reality cyborgs. Let us know what you’ve been playing, and if we choose your reply, you and your family will win a VIP trip along with four of your closest friends to ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE!
Good luck, and god speed!
