Comments of the Week

#81 – The dragon becomes me!

How are you folks doing? Good? Well, it’s about to get even better, because I’m here.

Welcome back to Comments of the Week, your weekly excuse to come and see the glory that is me. In addition to my handsome mug and amazing sense of humor, you can check out all of the best comments said by fellow community members such as you! After all, isn’t Destructoid the best damn community in the entire internet?

Of course it is, because I’m here. Anyway, as always, comments are placed into three lovely categories:

TRUTH: semen travels at an average of 28 miles per hours.

LOL: and here I thought submarines move faster than that.

WUT?: is there a word for reverse innuendos?

If you missed last week’s edition, then you must be starving! Why don’t you check out what happened last time on Comments of the Week right here, then double up with this tasty meal when you’re done?

From EA, Lucasfilm shut down Star Wars fan game

Dreamweaver: Good thing it’s a galaxy far, far away.

From Five Nights at Freddy’s: Sister Location drops this October

Dreamweaver: I’d rather play “Five Nights at Freddy’s Sister”.

From ‘Other surprises’ in store for NX, says Ubisoft

Dreamweaver: Why don’t they just fuck already?

Dreamweaver: Yep, that sounds like NeoGAF.

From Seaman creator Yoot Saito is getting back into gaming

Dreamweaver: We’re all semen creators (women give birth to men too!).

From People thought Capcom was teasing Dragon’s Dogma 2, but it’s just another smartphone game

Dreamweaver: Ay dios mio!

From Final Fantasy XV has a mystery season pass and man I’m sick of these

Dreamweaver: That’s also why nasty hookers are still in the market.

From Gone Home studio takes its voyeurism to space

Dreamweaver: Doesn’t quite roll off the tongue.

From XCOM 2 console editions delayed by nearly a month

Dreamweaver: XCOMe on.

From For all its changes, Resident Evil 7 still has healing herbs

Dreamweaver: I hate every single one of you. Especially you.

From Prince Ali, mighty is he, now on GOG

Dreamweaver: I think it just got gay in here.

From Gal Gun: Double Peace rated ‘E’ for ‘Sexual Content’

Dreamweaver: No, E’s look like blocky boobs from the side. M’s look like point boobs seen from above.

Dreamweaver: Not me. 🙁

From Review: Xbox One S

Dreamweaver: The car is the hero we deserve, but can’t afford right now.

From Review: Abzu

Dreamweaver: I abzulutely hate you.

And I stole your pun.

From Sex offenders in New York are now forbidden from playing Pokemon Go

Dreamweaver: Because they had to PokeGo to another state.

From Japanese Olympian got a $5,000 bill playing Pokemon Go in Brazil

Dreamweaver: Who the hell is that guy, and why isn’t my face on the bill?

Actually, nevermind. I’m worth more than that anyway.

From Report: Nintendo will have a new NX Mario and Pokemon within ‘six months’ of launch

Dreamweaver: Carter got harder.

From Nintendo Download: Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia

Dreamweaver: She could shove a baton up my baton.

From Criminal Girls 2 denied rating (and release) in Germany

Dreamweaver: One of these days, that joke’s going to get old.

But not today.

Dreamweaver: I found out the hard way that no retail stores in America sells Gal Gun: Double Peace, even GameStop.

What are we, some pansy country like Germany?

From Niantic issues another statement on tracking and closure of cheating sites

Dreamweaver: Looks like my odds of not getting laid as I grow older.

From Struggling to catch Pokemon in Go? There’s a ‘bug’

Dreamweaver: I thought we were the demons?

From These new Pokemon Sun & Moon forms are freaking me out

Dreamweaver: I don’t get it, so that must mean it’s a work of art.

From Nintendo gently reminds us it’s closing the DSi store forever

Dreamweaver: No, you are wrong. It’s DSiWare shop, but I can see how you can get that confused.

Looks like he needs a DSeyewear shop, am I right?

Dreamweaver: What you gonna do now!?

(I hope he opens the can. I always wanted to see what canned industrial strength whup ass looks like.)

From BioWare is shutting down all its forums outside of Star Wars: The Old Republic

Dreamweaver: It was infested with werewolves.

From Mobius Final Fantasy is out now in the west

Dreamweaver: The violent version of Peewee’s Playhouse.

From Niantic denies reports of a wild Pokemon Go Articuno

Dreamweaver: It’s still not a Moltres, but at least it’s dinner.

From I bought one of those Z-Ring hunks of plastic for Pokemon Sun & Moon, help

Dreamweaver: I’d shove it into a woman’s vagina so we can have glow-in-the-dark sex.

From Nekro’s Quickpost

Dreamweaver: 7/10 – Too much Nekro, not enough Dreamweaver.

And that’s it for this edition, folks! As always, be sure to comment down below and let me know which ones were your favorite… one-liners by me. Because, because that’s why we’re all here, right?

 

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