808s and Heartbreak
Welcome back to Comments of the Week. I’m your host, Dreamweaver! If you don’t know who I am, then you’ve obviously been hiding under a rock these past few months, so let’s pretend you’re totally stupid and walk you through what this is. Just pretend it’s a modern-day video game tutorial!
See, Comments of the Week is a compilation consisting of — wait for it — comments of the week. Mindblowing, I know. What’s even more shocking? These comments are even categorized into three categories such as:
TRUTH: supposedly, the physiological effects of heartbreak are similar to the physiological effects of a drug addict withdrawing from cocaine.
LOL: so just do cocaine.
WUT?: you’ll even save money!
Since you’re clearly new and diving into the 88th edition of Comments of the Week, you should probably check out the precursor editions. Unfortunately, my assistants haven’t yet updated the full list of links, so you can just check out last week’s edition while I’ll cruelly punish them by denying them sex with me for a week. It hasn’t worked yet but… wait a minute…
Dreamweaver: Looks like we found Torchman’s role model!
Dreamweaver: They got talent; they’re the most awfully persistent people I’ve seen.
Dreamweaver: Tramp stamps, judging by Geralt’s unrelenting libido.
Dreamweaver: My porn history has a totally different definition of alphas…
Dreamweaver: Like S&M porn.
For kicks (HA!), guess which role’s me?
Dreamweaver: Like buff dudes with tiny churros.
Dreamweaver: You act like they’re any safer indoors…
Dreamweaver: Sounds like Capcom should’ve been Frank with their real reasons.
Dreamweaver: We so objectified.
Dreamweaver: It’s supposed to be 124.25 miles, but it doesn’t roll off the tongue.
From Review: Dear Esther
Dreamweaver: The same thing with me and kindergarten.
Dreamweaver: She’ll give you blisters.
Dreamweaver: At least you got teased, I get snubbed.
From Review: The Bunker
Dreamweaver: I don’t get it.
Dreamweaver: Supper? I hardly know her!
Dreamweaver: That solves one problem, but what about his taxes?
Dreamweaver: At least it’s not the basement.
Dreamweaver: Warhammer? I hardly know her! But okay.
Dreamweaver: Ms. Mom was right. We really didn’t need that high-definition scanner.
Dreamweaver: That’s how all Lifetime movies should end.
Dreamweaver: That’s a bold hashtag, let’s see if it works out for him.
Dreamweaver: I’ve seen enough hentais to know where this is going.
Dreamweaver: For the folks who can’t read.
Dreamweaver: Dang it, Dangus! That boy ain’t right.
Dreamweaver: So, it is a (high)brid game console…
And that’s it for this edition, folks! Tune in next time for more of that goodness you call Dreamweaver, along with the other people whose names aren’t important enough for me to remember.