Every time we flash the Die Fledermaus signal, he unplugs his phone and leaves town for a week
Tim Burtonās Batman Returns is the best Christmas movie for people who donāt want to commit to the whole cheer thing. A lot of people say Die Hard, and I love Die Hard, but it doesnāt have Batman in it. It also doesnāt have Danny DeVito eating fish, so I think I rest my case.
Batman Returns would be mashed into game form on a stupid number of platforms and some of them were actually good! Almost all of them were entirely different games, however. You got a completely different experience depending on what console you played it on. Potentially the best Batman Returns version, however, for the SNES.
Superhero beat-āem-ups were a dime a dozen on the SNES and Genesis. Take a spin on the wheel, youāre either going to get a passible one or a title thatās just plain awful. Theyāre going to sell based on whoās on the cover, so why put any effort into them.
Some were decent, though. Batman Returns on the SNES comes to us from Konami while they were still in their prime. To give you an idea of the talent on hand, Etsunobu Ebisu ā Ebisumaru himself ā is credited for planning and programming. Itās interesting to see such names on a licensed game based on an American movie.
Itās also nice to see the score is based on Danny Elfmanās themes. While 1990ās Batman on the NES was pretty convincing in telling us they werenāt needed, Iām steadfast in my belief that Batmanās real theme is the one that Danny Elfman composed. Probably because I grew up with the Animated Series, but Iām too old to change my opinion.
Batman Returns is pretty standard for conveyer belt beat-āem-ups. The controls are rather close to Streets of Rage. You technically have one attack button but can pair it with jumps and grabs. The great thing about the grabs is that theyāre absolutely brutal. By default, Batman just slams the enemy into the ground, but if you move towards pieces of the set, you can bash them against windows and railings. You can also grab two enemies and slam them into each other, which is pretty ambitious for an SNES game.
It certainly doesnāt reinvent the wheel. The only wrinkle it really puts in the tapestry is some side-scrolling levels and a driving stage. Thereās even a special move that attacks in all directions but damages your health, and screen-clearing bombs. Itās more or less just following the recipe.
The combat is just so powerful and impactful. It reminds me slightly of The Death and Return of Superman, but a little tighter and more reliable. Youāre just bashing dudes.
Streets of Rage but with Batman is a pretty easy sell for me, but Batman Returns does have its deficiencies, many of which it shares with its contemporaries. Your opponents, for example, are lacking in variety. Theyāre all clowns. All of them. Different types of clowns, sure, but clowns. Thatās pretty true to the movie, but I feel like a street tough or two could be thrown in. Of course, then I remember that my beloved Streets of Rage has you fight palette swaps of thugs for the entirety of the game, and things begin to make more sense.
Thereās also no co-op, which is also true to the movie because this is before things were ruined by Robin. Still, I feel co-op is an important feature when it comes to trashing clowns. Maybe Catwoman could have stood in? She was sort of grey. Or better yet, just throw in Alfred. It would be amazing.
The bosses are also cheap, which is true to the ā90s beat-āem-up. Youāll probably drop the most lives on them, rather than all the childrenās entertainers youāre savaging on the street.
Another complaint, thereās no fight against Christopher Walken. Sure, I donāt think Christopher Walken deserves to get beaten up by Batman, I just feel like itās something I want to experience.
The gameās also rather brief ā again, typical of the genre at the time ā however, Konamiās love of limited continues gets in the way. It may take a few attempts before you reach the end, but itās at least doable, unlike the port of Final Fight on the SNES.
That means it doesnāt overstay its welcome, which was a problem encountered by a certain other superhero game of its genre. And really, if they were just planning on showing off the same dingy streets and the same make-up wearing freaks for the entire runtime, best wrap it up early.
Yet, whatās there is incredibly solid. The combat has a good sense of physicality, the aesthetic is true to the movie, and itās the chance to experience what itās like to be Michael Keaton. I may be a bit biased because I absolutely love Batman Returns for SNES and Konamiās early work, butā¦ thatās it. Thatās my whole point. I might be a bit biased. Do with that what you will.
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Published: Sep 19, 2021 06:00 am