Bet you didn’t realize that Donkey Kong has been ‘censored’ all these years

I, for one, am outraged

People are keen on calling out Nintendo for anything they view as censorship when it comes to localization these days, but what about the games of old? Where is the outrage over what very well may be the first case of Nintendo denying fans what they seemingly all want, nipples?

In the original Donkey Kong, the leader of the bunch and title character has nipples. Big ol’ gorilla nipples. Just look at them. Delicious. Lickable. Suckable even.

Near perfection. Unfortunately, all good thing must come to an end. By the time the Super Nintendo rolled around and Donkey Kong Country released, Donkey Kong’s beautiful nippies went MIA, as seen below. DK also seemed to take up shaving his chest instead of embracing his musky masculinity. Before you correct me in the comments, I am aware that the character in the arcade game went on to become Cranky Kong in the DKC series, but he also had his nipples concealed, so my point still stands.

How us gamers ever manage to enjoy Donkey Kong titles with such blatant censorship by Nintendo? Now the image of such classics as Donkey Kong Barrel Blast are tarnished in my mind. I can’t bare to go back and play them again without the thought of what is missing. 

What is even more perplexing is that the Donkey Kong Country series has a character with a voluptuous rack with nipples intact: Klump. Just looking at Klump has me all hot and bothered. I mean the Kremlings are reptiles, just like dinosaurs, so it makes sense. As you know, I am Dr. Dinosexual.

The weird thing is reptiles don’t have nipples, but mammals such as humans and gorillas do. It makes no sense for a crocodile to walk around sporting titties. Perhaps even stranger is that gorillas not only have nipples but are also black. Yes, there are some albino gorillas, but they don’t look like Donkey Kong.

Big thanks to redditor Jorfun for bringing this vile censorship to light. Hopefully a skilled modder can go back and fix this wrong doing. Shame on you, Nintendo.

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Jed Whitaker
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