A guide for all console haters

Having a hard time coming up with that perfect comeback on why the PS3 sucks compared to the Nintendo Wii?  Tired of never knowing what to say when you want to slam Xbox 360?

Well, Ottsel the Obnoxious Sidekick has posted the perfect console bashing guide on his IGN blog for those fanboys that lack the intelligence to rip their enemy consoles a new one.

Hit the jump for the complete guide to console bashing. 

When bashing other video game consoles, there are a few simple steps to be effective.

Step 1: Beat a dead horse.
Nothing is more hilarious than trying to make fun of something that is six months old or more. Really, the older the better. Who cares that everyone already heard the news, and that most people have gotten over it? A true hater is a revolutionary, not afraid to “go there.”

“The PS3 is $600?! OMG expensive lol!”

“Wii? That’s a stupid name amirite?!”

“Ha all those 360s break and stuff! So lame!”

Step 2: Make crap up.
You’re not going to be an effective hater if you don’t have a great story to share with someone who may be neutral. Unfortunately you’re probably pretty boring, and don’t actually have any interesting stories, so feel free to make it up. It’s not lying because God is on your side.

“The strap on my friend’s Wiimote totally broke and he died. Super serious.”

“The 360 doesn’t even have any games that I would like on it.”

“My neighbor got a PS3, and it ate his soul. Now he’s a zombie.

Step 3: Feel the malevolence.
Don’t just pretend to hate the other consoles. You have to actually, truly hate the consoles, and the companies that make them. Write death threats to executives at the companies, or just loudly and publicly wish harm upon everyone who buys the system. Only when your detestation is strong enough for you to kill, can you really be a Hater.

It’s really that easy guys. By following these quick steps, you’ll all be ripping each other’s throats out in no time. Of course it will be a figurative throat-ripping, probably over a message board or blog, since you’re too fat/lazy/scared/retarded/all of the above to actually be confrontational in the (gasp) real world.

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