2015 recap: The ten most popular posts on Destructoid this year

So fetch

Even though the tradition is exactly two years running at this point, I look forward to closing up the calendar year by writing about the most popular posts on Destructoid. It’s no secret that we, Internet people as we are, have a vested interest in articles doing a lot of traffic. But, we also don’t really care as much as you might think we do; we often forego the proven-to-work headline for one that we find funny (and probably no one else).

So, this particular post serves as a nice little aggregation to see what really worked for us. More importantly, it gives me a good excuse to use a Mean Girls header. I should do that more often. All of us should do that more often

There’s nothing here that’s quite as heavy-hitting as last year’s winner — the new Call of Duty reveal (there rarely will be). Instead, it’s a mix of editorial, news, offbeat stuff, and guides. We’ve thrown in the top five reviews separately since they’re often behemoths that would entirely skew the results of this. Also included are five things that we just really enjoyed this year. It’s our site and we’re allowed to do that.

Maybe you’ll find the most popular posts of the year to be as interesting as we do. Maybe it’ll be a nice walk down memory lane, a trip that starts in January and ends in December. Come stroll with us for just a few minutes.

Ten most popular posts

10. Here are all the names Fallout 4‘s Codsworth can say

Admit it: You clicked on this because you wanted to see if Codsworth can say bumbledick or shitsandwich or fuckface (he can say the latter). Just because Codsworth can say it doesn’t mean you can say it, though! We’ll wash your mouth out with soap and we’re not bluffing this time.

9. The Last of Us multiplayer DLC is not okay

Darren has thoughts. Opinions, man. Takes that are hot. He doesn’t like the free-to-play multiplayer elements in The Last of Us — a game that is absolutely not free-to-play. Over the course of, like, a million words, he explains his beef. I don’t know if most agreed with him, but a whole lot of people wanted to see what he had to say.

8. E3 2015 press conference schedule

They call him SEO Steven* for a reason. I don’t have the hard statistics to back it up, but I’d wager that the old Google machine looked kindly upon this post.

*No one calls him SEO Steven; they call him Arch Deluxe Steven on account of the crazy high arches in his feet. They’re weird. They freak me out.

7. Where to find companions in Fallout 4

Word on the street is you need some friends. Loser.

6. Bethesda doesn’t mind if you don’t like Fallout 4‘s graphics

Fallout 4 doesn’t look great. It’s not terrible, but it’s not wowing anyone who’s used to gaming on a PC, PS4, or Xbox One. Bethesda’s perfectly fine with that. Let’s face it: If you’re playing Fallout for the graphics, you’re playing Fallout for the wrong reasons.

5. Some jerk ruined Pixels‘ perfect zero Rotten Tomatoes score

Adam Sandler’s summer movie Pixels didn’t fare all that well. For a while, it had a zero percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I don’t know much about movies and percentages, but that seems bad. Until some jagoff ruined all of that.

Also, I’m pretty sure that I gave Darren the headline for this article, so he owes me a beer the next time I see him. Do me a favor and hold him to that. I’ll take my beer in the form of a bottle of vodka.

4. Here are all the amiibo waves and figures we know about

I can confidently say that amiibo are bad and Chris is a bad man for writing about them. Some would say that I’m also a bad man for writing about them, to which I’d threaten to sue my defamers for slander.

3. Nintendo’s cracking down on speedrunning and ROM hacking videos

Speaking of lawsuits, a little copyright talk brought all the attorneys to the yard. And they’re like “Actually the purpose of copyright law…” That’s not as catchy and I can definitely see why the other song was about milkshakes instead.

2. Man hate-buys Rosalina & Luma amiibo in bulk so fans can’t have them

Okay, you’re right: I am a bad man for writing about amiibo. Almost as bad of a man as the Internet troll who bought a bunch of Rosalina & Luma amiibo so that other people couldn’t have them. (In reality, he was probably just flipping them for megabucks.)

1. Bungie gets salty defending Destiny‘s expansion price

Understandably, it didn’t go well when Bungie asked Destiny players to re-buy content they’d already bought to get full access to the upcoming expansion. One of the biggest games on the market gouging its user base in this unthinkable manner was bound to be one of the most popular stories of the year.

Five most popular reviews

5. Bloodborne

Chris Carter does everything around here — including the top five trafficking reviews of 2015.

4. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Chris, did you ever know that you’re my hero?

3. Fallout 4

And everything I would like to be?

2. Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

I can fly higher than an eagle.

1. Dying Light

For you are the wind beneath my wings.

Also, how the hell did Dying Light, with a modest score of seven, end up beating those other titans? I don’t understand the Internet, like, ever. This shit more or less makes no sense.

Staff picks for five enjoyable posts (in no particular order)

5. ‘Is that a Game Boy?’ Navigating simple questions as a socially awkward adult

Here’s a little inside baseball: Darren wasn’t even sure he should post this quick editorial he wrote. It wasn’t really video game-related. Instead, it was more “How do I describe the nuances of gaming to a naive audience-“related.

I’m glad he did because it tackles such an innocent, basic, yet all too familiar scenario: That awkwardness when trying to figure out when explaining becomes over-explaining. It’s one that’s tough to elegantly deal with no matter how many times you run into it.

4. Experience Points .25: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars

I love Ben’s Experience Points series. Too often, I realize that it has been a long time since I’ve had anything too nice to say about video games. The magic isn’t the same when you deal with covering the industry every single day. Ben’s Experience Points pieces come from a place of pure affection and appreciation, though — an attitude that makes them a joy to read and helps recapture the feeling that got many of us into this gig in the first place. We went with his Super Mario RPG entry because, gosh, that game is so good.

3. Cell games: I tried to build a pacifist utopia but the Internet ate me up

Agar.io is a game about being a cell and trying to grow. This is done either by devouring smaller player-controlled cells or by gobbling up an abundance of tiny non-player-controlled cells. Really, it’s kind of the very essence of online multiplayer — everyone out for themselves, hoping to eventually be the biggest dog in the yard.

Steven found himself trying to subvert that. He wanted to play as a pacifist, seeing how big he could grow just from eating those insignificant small cells. What transpired was a mutualistic relationship with a fellow player, an unlikely friendship in a game meant to show as little human personality as possible. It’s the kind of story that conjures memories of an unknown buddy helping you through the emotional highs and lows of Journey.

2. True Life: One man’s descent into deliriumiibo

This was the most therapeutic piece that I can remember writing in a long time. Having recently fallen victim to the amiibo craze, I kept stepping back and wondering what the hell I was doing before continuing right along my troubled path. It was a lighthearted reprieve where I could laugh about this sudden obsession while in the back of my mind thinking “Fuuuuck, I’m really doing this, aren’t I?”

1. Nintendo announced a new Metroid so we gave Zack a haircut

This bucks the editorial trend set by the other four posts, but that’s okay because this is one of my favorite things that happened all year. Nintendo (kind of) announced a new Metroid title at E3 — Metroid Prime: Federation Force — so, we shaved the iconic alien into the back of Zack’s head. Poorly, might I add.

Zack, you’re gonna go far, kid.

We wrote a lot of good stuff in 2015. Only five got listed in this round-up, but there was far more that we were proud of. If you’d like, check out the Destructoid Originals tag to rediscover some of it. Now, onto 2016, the ten-year anniversary of your favorite Robot.

About The Author
Brett Makedonski
While you laughing, we're passing, passing away. So y'all go rest y'all souls, 'Cause I know I'ma meet you up at the crossroads. Y'all know y'all forever got love from them Bone Thugs baby...
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