Yikes, the Assassin’s Creed movie is getting bad reviews

Will that stop it from making hundreds of millions though?

If you thought the ingredient missing from video game adaptations was pedigree, this year is offering another suggestion: making a movie from a video game is stupid. Warcraft acquired an ace director in Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code) and sucked anyways. Ubisoft spared us an Assassin’s Creed game this year, offered a film instead, stuffed it with Serious Movie Stars like Michael Fassbender, Marion Cotillard, Jeremy Irons, and, surprise!, it still fucking sucked.

That’s because it’s a movie based off of the insanely stupid video game franchise Assassin’s Creed.

With 28 reviews in at time of writing, Assassin’s Creed‘s Rotten Tomatoes score is at 18% positive, or just above what Pixels ended up with (16%) after flirting with a 0% around its opening. The Assassin’s Creed Metacritic aggregate is 37. While it probably won’t hit the lows of absolute trash like Hitman: Agent 47 (8% positive), a movie so bad they didn’t even manage to shave Agent 47’s head all the way bald, it’s kind of more embarrassing to suck this hard with Fassbender and a god damn $130 million budget whereas Agent 47 starred a guy so embarrassed he was credited using a fake name (“Rupert Friend”?!). 

Then again, as with Warcraft, which cost $160 million but raked in over $430 million at box office (mostly internationally), there’s really only one metric of success anyone involved in an Assassin’s Creed movie cares about. Let’s see if they make their money.

Steven Hansen