Winning Eleven: PES 08 trailer: I have disgraced my ancestors

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As an American, I’ve grown up in a country known optimistically as a melting pot for the cultures of the entire world, and while my Italian ancestors seem to have agreed with that ideal, I’m not so sure they would appreciate what America has done for my utter lack of enthusiasm for their beloved national game. Watching the above trailer for the latest entry in the Winning Eleven series — il Metal Gear Solid di calcio — the only thing going through my head was “Where’s David Beckham?” Without my well-groomed, metrosexual deity to take style cues from, soccer becomes as entertaining to me as Cricket would be to an Eskimo — and I don’t think I have to tell you all how much the ‘Kimoes despise Cricket.

Then again, I fully expect to be clubbed to death in my sleep tonight by angry Man U fans still sore over Los Angeles’ theft of their beloved Coifed Archangel. Those soccer fans don’t f$ck around, and at the very least American culture has instilled in me a healthy respect for wanton violence. 

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Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.