Wii Fit MURDERS innocent man

The Telegraph, Britain’s most passive-aggressive newspaper, is today reporting that a 25-year-old man has died playing Wii Fit, proving that “casual games” are a bad idea. Tim Eves, who has been described before the incident as “healthy,” was enjoying a simulated jog when he “slumped” to the floor.

Girlfriend Emma Tuck and friend Lewis Hickon called an ambulance, but attempts to revive him failed. He was declared dead on arrival to hospital. Sudden Adult Death Syndrome has been named as a possible cause.

“We spoke to him on the phone when he was playing on the Wii machine,” explains mother June Eves. “He told us he had just ordered himself a kebab and was sitting there with a glass of port.”

This is a mysterious case indeed. Most people die after eating a kebab, not before.

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James Stephanie Sterling
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