Fun with Photoshop
The newest Overwatch hero is sure to be a fan favorite. Already popular on the PTR, Wrecking Ball is the adorably deadly hamster with an origin story for the ages. After escaping Richard Gere’s colon, Hammond the hamster was taken to the Horizon Lunar Colony to be experimented on because, in space, nobody can hear PETA’s nonsense. I get experimenting on animals sounds cruel, but this hamster should consider himself lucky he didn’t end up with Avon of China.
These experiments would prove successful, giving Hammond a mind greater than the combined intelligence of every Arizona State University graduating class ever. He’d eventually escape the Lunar Colony and become the first foreign creature the Australian government didn’t try to murder the second he touched down in the country. Using his incredible engineering skills, Hammond would create the Wrecking Ball, the second most efficient way to kill an Aussie after throwing a single can of Fosters off a cliff and watching them chase it Lemmings style.
After a year of being teased, long enough for the memory of Toby and his mech suit to dissipate from the memory of the four people who played Battleborn, Wrecking Ball will soon make his way to all Overwatch players so they can finally stop picking Symmetra before I can. Now, we at Destructoid are quite curious what kind of alternate skins Blizzard has in store for its new hero. Will there be an ornament for Christmas? Or how about the Time’s Square ball for New Year’s? Hell, for Chinese New Year, he can roll around in the dumpling from Bao. It would be adorable and confuse the hell out of ignorant white people.
But really, Blizzard is probably too busy at the moment fixing what isn’t broken to focus on something as silly as skins, so we thought we’d step in with these ideas of unlockable looks for Wrecking Ball.
Wrecking Ball Wrecking Ball
Now that that one is out of the way…
A Star War
If there is one thing that’s been made patently clear over the past several weeks, it’s that everybody loves Star Wars. Not a complaint in sight about that franchise. In fact, some might say it’s more popular than ever before. Overwatch is popular as well, so why don’t the two franchises joins forces with this Droideka skin.
Hell, isn’t this what Wrecking Ball already is? A robot that can roll, stop and shoot its guns and generate a shield? The only difference between the two is the Star Wars one doesn’t have a little Hamtaro inside of it, but it will when I get my $200 million to remake The Phantom Menace properly this time. Goodbye Jar Jar, hello 90 more minutes of diplomatic negotiations.
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Skin for Hammond
I recently moved to a new apartment and there are a lot of things I like about it. The location, the AC, the high-speed internet, the pool; all great stuff. The one downside is my roommate might be terrible. At the least worst, he’s just a guy who watches Info Wars every night. At worstest worst he might actually be legit racist.
I need to work on my vetting process, but the one thing we do agree on is our deep love for edibles. It takes me back to my college years where, after getting all my homework done like the proper student I was, my friends and I would kick back with some chownies and space out to Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Adult Swim needs to bring that shit back because watching The Jellies while blazing isn’t even close to being the same things. Also, they should make Meatwad a skin for Wrecking Ball because they’re both round and that’s about the best idea I can come up with after downing a handful of Cheeba Chews.
Some Dumb Robot
Have you all met Torch? He threatened to shoot us with one of his space lasers if we didn’t make a Momokapool reference. So this is for him and literally nobody else.
An Excuse to Watch “Bass to Mouth” Again
Wrecking Ball journeyed a distance far and vast,
To find his way out of Roadhog’s ass.
The road ahead…is filled with danger and fright
But push on Wrecking Ball, with all of your might.
Torbjorn’s turret lies somewhere up ahead
Don’t forget to equip your shield or you will soon be dead.
Wrecking Ball, Wrecking Ball the time is growing late
Take that second checkpoint or seal your fate.
One We’re Pretty Sure Somebody on Twitter Has Already Made
I mean sure if Blizzard does ever get around to putting Overwatch on Switch…
Slightly Obscure Jake Gyllenhaal Reference
Did you know somebody made a stage musical based off Bubble Boy? That has nothing to do with this article, I just think it’s funny how we all rail against Hollywood and its lack of originality when Broadway is right there with it.
Anyway, Bubble Boy. It a fucking terrible movie starring not-Tobey Maguire and that chick who dies at the beginning of Rampage. In it, Donnie Darko runs around in a bubble for 90 minutes bouncing off shit because that’s the best comedy the writers of the Despicable Me movies could come up with. From the gameplay I’ve seen of Wrecking Ball, that dude will be bouncing off walls, ceilings, other players, and certainly payloads. Also, just like Hammond, Jack Twist here is totally adorable and I want to take him home and keep him in a cage and feed him pellets and…
Welcome to… Junkerassic Park!
Oh hell, let’s just combine those last two ideas.
Now that is a skin!
Thank you Eric Weichhart for putting these images together.