Relationships end all the time. Sometimes it’s the man’s fault, sometimes it’s the woman’s fault, sometimes it’s nobody’s fault at — VIDEOGAMES! VIDEOGAMES DID IT! EVERYBODY LOOK AT THE VIDEOGAAAAAAMES!
According to a survey of 1,500 gamers, videogames like Call of Duty are being blamed as an increasing cause of romantic meltdowns. The poll states that over half of women are “jealous” of their lover’s hobby and the amount of time they spend playing. Meanwhile, 5% of gamers admit that their habits have cost them a relationship.
One in ten males state that they’ve dumped a date to play games, while seven out of ten regularly annoy their partners by spending all their time with digital representations of big, burly men. A spokesman for researcher One-Poll said, “It seems like a games console often means there are three people in a relationship. It’s a bit sad if the virtual world is taking precedence over the real world.”
And this, friends, is why I made videogames my job. Now when the wife tells me off for gaming, I just say “I AM DOING A WORKING” and then I get to punish her by throwing DVDs at her like they were ninja stars. That’ll learn ’em.