So, Hannah, Pedro, Roleypolinde and I were talking earlier on Ventrilo, and discussing the Wii, when we came up with the idea for this post. I don’t usually do Top Ten posts, but this is something I’ve been wanting to work on for quite a while now. Between ourselves, the four of us managed to come up with quite a lot of stuff, some of which is serious and some of which is just going to make you go “WTF?”
However, even after extensive brainstorming, we could only come up with six uses, following which, I sent out a plea for help to the Destructoid staff, hoping they would answer. And answer they did.
Here’s the top ten uses we came up with, in no particular order.
10. Flight sim/Mech games: I don’t know how many of you out there have heard of the Virtual On series. It’s a series of 3D one-on-one mech fighting games by Hitmaker. The first V-On was for the Sega Saturn and was titled Operation Moongate. However, this game, like many others, originated in Japanese arcades. The “cockpit” was highly reminiscent of something you’d see in a Mobile Suit Gundam anime — only less flashy. The mechs were controlled with the aid of two parallel joysticks, both with numerous buttons and triggers on them to fire weapons, enable dashing etc etc. The Wiimote/Nunchak could emulate this, or even the experience of a Flight Simulator game fairly easily. Good one, Roley.
9. Phone: This is something that’s already been done. Sort of. Ubisoft has implemened this rather cool feature in Red Steel’s multiplayer, where the games are mission based. The Wiimote rings like a phone, and you put it to your ear to hear a message play. You’re briefed on your mission in this fashion, and it’s up to your opponents to stop you. There’s so much more developers could do with this feature.
8. Hentai game: Come on. It’s Japan. We’ve already got a game where you screw around with peoples’ bellies and intestines. How long do you think it’ll be before someone out there comes up with a game where you strap the Wiimote to your crotch and belly thrust at your TV?
7. Handheld minigames: This is kind of far-fetched. Imagine if the Wiimote had a screen built into it, like a handheld. Now, imagine if they increased the Wiimote’s flash memory from 6k to something like a few MB. Downloadable minigames on your Wiimote would be very cool. Best case scenario? It could even substitute as a Gameboy Advance. Oh, and excuse the bad Photoshopping … I made that from scratch in about 20 minutes.
6. Taser: It’s already got TV remotes that look like it. What better way to conceal a Taser than to put it in a shell that resembles the Wiimote?
5. Spin the bottle: The title sort of speaks for itself. I’ll leave the rest up to imagination. Let’s just hope they don’t slap on some gay title like “Wii Spin” if they ever turn this into a videogame.
4. Dance Dance Revolution Wii: Obviously, this would work differently from the regular DDR titles, but there’s a hell of a lot of scope for a game of this sort. 1:1 motion detection wouldn’t be necessary, and using the Flash card custom soundtracks would be possible, too. The question is, is there a developer brave enough to experiment with a game along these lines?
3. 60″ Rear Projection TV assassination tool: Man, this never gets old. Good call, Gregor!
2. Vibrator: Let’s admit it. We’ve all been thinking of this ever since we heard the name of the console and what it could do. Someone just had to come out and say it. And not surprisingly, it was a girl. Bravo, Hannah, bravo!
1.PS3 fanboy spanking game: This is my dream game for the Wii. All it involves is you spanking eBay PS3 bidders, bent over, displaying their bare naked asses. Hairy PS3 fanboy butts, VERY good use of the remote speaker and rumble, and enormously satisfying gameplay. What more could you want?
