Ecchi the Killer
You should watch Ping Pong: The Animation. It’s why Lebron James realized he needed to go back to Cleveland, true story. But be warned, watching other anime after will be hard because it leaves you extra acutely aware of how mediocre and awful most anime is. Sorry, Beck.
There’s only two World Cup games left to occupy yourself with, anyway. What else are you going to do?
Here’s last week’s post. Let’s begin anew.
[We post a lot of articles here at Destructoid. The endless, ouroboros news cycle has us burning the snake at both ends, which will ultimately push big news, thoughtful original pieces, and all sorts of other great content off of the front page. Check here every Saturday for my attempt to rectify that.]
ORIGINAL CONTENT
What’re you playing? A lot of Mario Kart 8 around here – Staff
You guys might not know this, but some of us here at Destructoid are big fans of videogames. For a change of pace, we’d like to share that interest with you all and fill you in on some of the games we’re playing right now.
I mean, not right now, right now. More like this last week. It’s the 4th of July right now. No one hates America more than me, but I’ll take an excuse to skip out on work in favor of hot links and tequila. We’re with our families, friends and loved ones, sitting out in the sun, sharing stories, throwing sports balls. Some us are planning to lose a few fingers to explosives as the sun winds down and the alcohol compromises our equilibrium and decision making.
Hey, new Wii U owners: Don’t forget to play Nintendo Land – Jordan Devore
The Wii U has officially been out long that it has early cycle releases people are forgetting existed. Kind of like how a lot of people seem to forget the console exists, including some large third party developers.
My favorite “attraction” in Nintendo Land is Pikmin Adventure. It’s obviously not as deep as Pikmin 3, but it’s surprising just how far it goes. One player is Captain Olimar and as usual, must fling Pikmin at creatures until they’re dead — but you don’t have to worry about your troops dying, and everything is mechanical (this is a theme park, after all). It’s super cool, aesthetically.
None of these strategies helped me win at Mario Kart 8 – Brett Makedonski
Brett “Wett Brett #3” Makedonski sucks at videogames. What a nerd.
4. Have a kid play for you: Okay, Mario Kart 8 has that cartoony kid look about it, maybe it takes some Peter Pan forever child magical bullshit to win. Nope. Kids are dumb and their motor skills are suspect at best. And now my brand new GamePad is all sticky and gross. I returned it to Wal-Mart (The child, not the controller; they’ll take anything back).
Some videogames you have to try this boring summer – Kyle MacGregor
Okay, someone separate these two trouble makers.
Whether it’s a humid summer day or just an unpleasantly hot one, there’s nothing quite like hiding from the sun in your small dark apartment. Here are x number of videogames to help you stay pale this season.
Guacamelee! is largely the product of DrinkBox trolling one another – Brett Makedonski
You know how “hipster” quickly became an all-encompassing default slur for something you disliked for some reason, losing all of its value as a word? It happened to “trolling” first, I think.
One referential troll that didn’t make it was the inclusion of He-Man’s “I HAVE THE POWER!” sound bite that would play every time a new skill or power was acquired. It originally served as a way for production assistant Matthew Johns and Smithers to continually annoy the other developers. It worked. In fact, it worked so well that it was decided that it’d be too repetitive and irritating to players, so it was taken out for the good of the game.
I messed around in the bizarre, experimental reboot of Rust – Jordan Devore
Jordan finally started playing Rust again and I am happy with the result.
But I have, now that Facepunch Studios is rebooting Rust. Work has ceased on the original version most players know while the team rebuilds the game from scratch in what it is calling an experimental branch. It’s playable now and as janky as things are, it’s promising.
Let’s take a look! (Warning: there will be some butts.)
Blah Blah Top Five Blah Blah World Cup Blah Blah Soccer – Jonathan Holmes
Blah blah blah Jonathan Holmes blah blah blah incisive blah blah just in time blah blah World Cup.
Everybody’s blah blah blah World Cup blah blah blah to celebrate top five blah blah blah soccer videogames blah blah blah. Blah blah blah piggybacking off Google search result algorithms blah blah blah pandering to the interests of those who are more interested in thing other than videogames? Blah blah blah everyone’s talking about it blah blah blah you don’t want to be left out blah blah blah popular because it is popular blah blah blah Hamza’s gotta eat blah blah blah Sup Holmes starts at 4pm blah.
So with out further blah blah blah, lets blah blah blah do blah blah blah this blah blah blah.
Another fair comparison: 1001 Spikes is better than Game of Thrones – Jonathan Holmes
Blah blah blah Jonathan Holmes blah blah blah incisive blah blah just in time blah blah Blahtantly better blah blah blah 1001 Spikes balh Game of Thrones. Blah blah blah? Blahhahahaha! .
[M]ost people watch Game of Thrones…because it hooks them in a world of constant negative stimulus, constant emptiness and pain, and dangles a carrot in their faces promising that things might get better, that they might gain some emotional sustenance if they watch just one more episode. Stories like Game of Thrones (and certain videogames) are designed like sour candy. They start off sweet, with fun stuff like sex, intrigue, and power fantasy, but leave you hurting, with the sour taste of trauma and sorrow in your mouth. That sour leaves you hungry for an antidote to cancel out the sour, something like the sweet sex/power/intrigue that got you watching the show in the first place. So the cycle of sweetness, sourness continues, leaving the audience continually hungry and never truly fed.
Just Saiyan: ‘Advance Adventure’ Saga! Part 4 – Max and Bill
In this episode, while playing Dragon Ball: Advanced Adventure, Bill and Max discuss Chiaotzu’s dim sum secret, Japanese onomatopoeia, that damn song that I can’t identify, and why is Nam white in this game?
Sharknado’s: The Video Game’s press release is a natural disaster – Max Scoville
Sometimes, when I check my email, I find wonderful things like messages from friends and family, beta invites, or announcements that something I ordered has shipped. Sometimes, I find a pile of press releases. Sometimes they’re harmless, and sometimes they make me wish Y2K had actually been as much of a disaster as promised.
PREVIEWS
Escape Dead Island is a single-player ‘survival mystery’ – Steven Hansen
If you’re counting, there’s been a number of grand comparisons to some well-liked things (I just last night dreamt Bill Murray was evicting me, but he felt bad about it). I don’t anticipate Escape Dead Island will live up to any of them. It’s a different look for the series, though, and will release to the past generation of consoles for a more appropriate $40. Those who buy get access to Dead Island 2‘s beta as well.
Natural Doctrine is a brutal, sort of ugly turn-based strategy game – Steven Hansen
Kadokawa Games’ first internal venture can get a pass for looking a bit dated if the core gameplay can hold up, and it just might. Producer Kensuke Tanaka felt that “JRPGs were “lacking in difficulty,” that they didn’t “make you think,” NIS America representatives explained. Natural Doctrine is an answer to that.
NIS America was not able to answer why the lead in a fantasy RPG of orcs, magic and lizard men is named Jeff.
HOTTEST, SLIMIEST NEWS OF THE WEEK
Gearbox reveals Battleborn for PS4, Xbox One, PC – Kyle MacGregor
Battleborn is the next big game from Gearbox Software, and, much like the developer’sBorderlands series, it’s looking to put a unique spin on the first-person shooter.
Billed a “hero-shooter” by Gearbox boss Randy Pitchford, the title infuses MOBA elements into its narrative-driven co-op and competitive multiplayer in place of Borderlands‘ hallmark loot-heavy RPG flare. The story, penned by former Destructoid editor Aaron Linde, is set in the distant future in a “science fantasy” universe on the brink of destruction.
Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate will see an October release in Japan – Chris Carter
In this morning’s Japanese Nintendo Direct, Capcom revealed that Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate will hit Japanese 3DS units everywhere on October 11th. Yep, this is the same game we will eventually get overseas come 2015.
Criminal Girls’ sexual punishment will only be mildly censored – Steven Hansen
A lot of people were upset after NIS America announced it had “edited certain aspects” of Criminal Girls: Invite Only for Western release. The “c” word (censorship) was thrown around nobly as it always seems to be when erotic Japanese games are being discussed.
NIS America addressed this in its forum and the editing it has done is downright mild. You can still spank and whip blushing ass-up anime girls to your hearts’ content, though you’ll have to loop your own sound effects.
Ciao, amiche.
