The upcoming Pokemon Sun and Moon revealed its three starting pocket monsters this week: Rowlet, Litten, Popplio (not pictured above), also known as the cast of Garfield. I figured it was perfect timing for a definitive, canon ranking of all 21 mainline starters. But the poll service I used only allowed for 20 options, so I omitted Oshawott, a piece of shit garbage Pokemon no one likes anyways. If you feel differently you can go write a blog about it.
Here is a good reference point for all the starters.
Only the first evolutions are considered in this ironclad ranking of starters (so no votes for Charmander because it turns into Charizard) to give even playing field to the newbies and so we could consider opinions from as many Destructoid staff as possible. As Occams put it, “I know very little about Pokemon in general but I do enjoy ranking fictional beasts.” It’s a gut-feel system.
These are all the starter Pokemon, from best to worst:
There you have it. If this obnoxious election year wasn’t enough indication, this ranking should prove to you that democracy is dead. Here are some of the ways in which my friends and colleagues have gravely disappointed me:
1. Piplup, Rowlet, and Chespin too high
2. Torchic somehow not ranked the lowest
3. Treecko, Froakie, and Snivy too low
On the other hand, just about everyone recognizes that that stupid fucking clown seal Popplio should be clubbed. Maybe there’s hope for us yet.
If y’all want to vote too, go’head.