All this week we have been providing top-notch preview coverage of Capcom’s immense looking Street Fighter IV by posting absurd images of the World Warriors getting punched in the nuts. We do this because of our commitment to providing you the best games journalism in the industry.
In part three, we looked at the smashed up faces of Vega, Sagat, M Bison, Chun Li, and Blanka. We got to see what it looks like when real men feel real pain … in a completely fictional setting. Now we’re back for more, with three utter badasses — Seth, Gouken and Akuma. Then there’s a little schoolgirl named Sakura.
Onward then, for the Faces of Pain! Oh, and check out part one and part two if you haven’t already.
Akuma:
Street Fighter‘s demonic Akuma might be a hardened killer and a common cause of sexual arousal in thirteen-year-old idiot boys, but his steely resolve can be easily broken by an elbow to the gutbucket. Glowing eyes or not, he still looks like a bitch, and a redheaded bitch to boot. No wonder he’s always smouldering with stereotypically ominous Japanese evil.
Gouken:
If you’ve ever wanted to punch an old man in the kidneys (and really, who hasn’t?) then Street Fighter IV is the game for you. As you can see from our collection of Gouken images, the old bastard really reacts well to a good smack. The third image looks a bit worrying though, like Gouken got hit so hard his mustache is actually peeling off. That aside, Gouken is fun. It’s like you’re hitting your Dad, and finally making him pay for all those terrible things he did with the dress. Womp that sucker!
Sakura:
She’s every hentai artist’s wet dream, and here we see Sakura emulating a face she’s probably pulled in many a hentai artist’s drawings. Poor Sakura gets a boot to the face, powered a thigh that seems to equal here entire body mass. If Chun “Human Ostrich” Li smashed my mush with such force, I’m sure I’d know how Sakura feels. Luckily, however, I’m not dumb enough to enter a tournament where you’re encouraged to kick the shit out of each other in front of temples and casinos, so I’ll never have to worry about this.
Seth:
In wrestling, to “sell” a move is to act like it hurt, something which not only helps the match look (barely) believable, but also makes the opponent look strong. Most good wrestlers know how to sell. Then there are wrestlers like Hulk Hogan. Seth is like Hulk Hogan.
He doesn’t react much when he’s getting walloped, but we did manage to capture a few brief moments of agony from the character who has a stupid name and a stupid look and is stupid. At least, I think they’re moments of agony. He may be doing his impersonation of Phil Collins in the video for “Mama.” It’s really difficult to tell.
That’s it for our Faces of Pain series. Hope you liked it, and didn’t wince too hard. Because it was so very, very painful.
