Square Enix is making me take my shoes off, which socks should I wear?

Life is strange

I’m going to go check out Dontnod’s Life is Strange tomorrow ahead of its January 30 release and, well, life is strange. In the housekeeping email about the appointment, there were some bold lines (like embargo) with pertinent bullet points underneath (expect our review next Thursday).

The third bold line, though.


  • Because we’re using an Airbnb, you’ll need to take off your shoes in advance. SEA will provide slippers, or you can go barefoot or wear clean socks. Weird I know, but it’s apparently non-negotiable.”

Now, I’m okay with this. I’m a firm believer of a “no shoes indoors” rule. Seems like common sense to me and on the side of my front door is a mountain of shoes that says politely to guests, “Take your fucking shoes off you filthy animal.” Still, this is a bit different. I love to look my best. So what socks should I rocks tomorrow? 

The Businessman

Greenish-tan feels like the perfect milquetoast business sock and this is a professional meeting, right? This sock says, “I know what a 401k is. I keep mine right next to my derivatives!” 

Con: The argyle quits at the point where the sock would normally be encased by shoe. This perhaps suggests I could not spring for full argyle covering and that my business ventures, like my Nurse Baby pilot script, have not been entirely successful. 

The Sporty

This look says, “heck yes I even cross-fit, dog.” Now in reality I do more cross stitching than cross fitting folks, but active wear is all about nailing a certain look and these socks are a “touchdown,” “home run,” and “goal” rolled into one.

Con: Not clean. 

The Classic

Now here is a cool look that never goes out of style, unlike JNCO jeans and fedoras. I don’t think Jonathan Cash wrote a hit song called “Man in Chartreuse,” folks. It’s called black lung for a reason — because it’s the coalest lung disease you can get, even better than smoking cancer. 

Con: Fucking cat hair everywhere. 

The I’m Not a Businessman, I’m a Business, Man

I don’t own a lot of socks that don’t cut off at the ankle. First of all, I am always warm and do not require any more insulation. I also do not like my leg hair to feel matted or constrained by societal expectation. However, this is a good look, the horizontal stripes accentuating my freakishly large calf muscles, which imply I am hearty and will birth many healthy children.

Con: Once you give socks an inch they can take from you a mile. If I overuse this sock, one day it will subsume me, growing from playful thigh high to my becoming more sock than man and the me you know and love is gone. 

The Wild Card

This look has some edge with which you can “sock it to ’em.” It playfully merges The Classic with some bold colors that pop and really show off your individual style. In my case, I own way too many articles of clothing that are red, purple, or some similar shade.

Con: I can’t find the other one. The bold stylistic asymmetry might throw interviewees off their game and harm my coverage. 

The Bold

Now these are some of my favorite socks. As I’ve mentioned, I love the red like a Santa with blood lust. The delicate white accents help the red pop in contrast to a straight-colored sock. If you see these bad boys creeping out of some low top loafers beneath the pant hem, you know to think, “look out, this bad boy has got some dang fly socks and al dente dick, who knows what he is going to do?!” 

Con: Too cool.

Please vote in the comments!

Steven Hansen