So it begins: First online review of GTA IV hits the Internet

Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen — the onslaught of Grand Theft Auto IV coverage that’s guaranteed to both anger you (because you don’t have it) and spoil all of the good stuff (because you don’t have it … yet).

IGN has posted their full review of the game, which spans seven pages, and ends in them awarding the game a 10 out of 10. I refuse to read the review myself — playing the game for a few hours was almost enough of a spoiler for me. But browsing the first paragraph, I read this: “Without question, Grand Theft Auto IV is the best game since Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.” Well then. 

So the game is good. We get it. While waiting by my door for the FedEx man to arrive with my copy for review (no, it didn’t come), I realized something — does it really matter? You’re all going to run out and buy the game either at launch or a few days later. If I gave the game a three out of 10, you’d call me a “tw@”and buy it anyway. It’s Grand Theft Auto IV, man. If the game came with trace amounts of anthrax lining the instruction manual, you’d still be lined up for the midnight release. 

Is there anyone here not planning on buying GTA IV? If so, please give some compelling reasons why, and provide scans of your medical records, because I don’t think you’re well.

[Thanks, Ben!]