Early this morning, our boy Pedram Saleh sent in a tip about an utterly bizarre find; A site called UK: Resistance had posted some pictures of a machine found in an arcade in Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan that kindly gave out foot massages to all the weary gamers. While this normally wouldn’t be that off-the-wall (after all, Japan is a country where you can find arcade machines that will fellate you while forcing adorable kittens into glass bottles), the machine was apparently manufactured by Sega. Yes, that Sega. The one with the spiky blue hedgehog and the underutilized Streets of Rage IP.
As far as I can deduce from the above picture (and the explanation on the site), once you crack the riddle of the unintelligible symbols on the front of the machine, you remove your shoes, place your feet inside, and pray to god it doesn’t get a taste for human flesh. A short while later, it either gives you a foot massage or tells you that you’re a ‘Cold Fish’.
If any of our readers are in Shibuya, I only have one question about this machine; does it have that awesome Sega intro voice that I miss so dearly? Say what you will about the new Sonic games, but the true crime in the elongation of the series is the acute lack of a soothing “Say-gah” on boot up. Some boys had crushes on Liz Phair or Soleil Moonfrye, but all I ever wanted for my birthday was one night alone with that sexy, sexy voice actress.