Report: Gamer teabags opponent after narrow victory

Victim unsure as to why, psychologist explains

An Xbox live user contacted Destructoid this week with a complaint of being excessively teabagged upon completion of an online multiplayer match in a popular action game.

“I’m not sure why he was doing it,” said victim Jeff Mathis, who requested to remain anonymous. “It’s not like they even beat us that decisively. I’ll happily take a good old fashioned teabagging if my team loses by a wide margin, but that game could have easily gone either way.” 

Destructoid reached out to the alleged offender, who goes by the Gamertag xXxNoScopeXxX, to get his side of the story. The message we received back was an unintelligible and unprintable string of homophobic and misogynistic slurs. 

In an effort to get some further insight on the cause behind the incident, Destructoid spoke with psychologist Dr. Orlando Bloom, who says the practice of teabagging is a common precursor to necrophilia, the Mountain Dew transmitted disease. It also may be a sign the individual is having personal issues “IRL,” but feels powerless to do anything about them outside the virtual world.

Dr. Bloom recommends those that know anyone dealing with this potentially harmful condition force that person to work out their problems like an adult, ie: binge eating Taco Bell and doing donuts with their mom’s 1994 Subaru Legacy in the abandoned parking lot on the north side of town while listening to that Sarah McLachlan Fumbling Towards Ecstasy cassette on repeat.

Kyle MacGregor Burleson