This month, a storm of controversy has blazed throughout Destructoid.com, leaving behind only wreckage and bodies in its wake. An unstoppable force that threatens to envelop the whole Internet in accusations of bias and unformulated, poisonous opinion. This storm, this raging torrent of wankery, can only be known as Killzone 2,
Jim Sterling, fully in the grip of his messianic complex that has overtaken him in this turbulent times, has recently made the claim that Killzone 2 is blatantly better than Halo 3. Now I never played Halo 3, and I currently don’t own a PS3 either, so you could say that I’m not really qualified enough to talk about either. But in the spirit of free speech, I’ll do so anyway!
Because there’s a game coming out that, in terms of quality and sheer orgasmic excellence, shall overshadow these games with it’s brilliance brought down on high by the gaming gods themselves.
Its name is Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2. And here are the reasons why.
Seki Tomokazu:
Seki Tomokazu was bred and raised by great voice actors of Japan to be the ultimate voice actor, a man whose voice is so full of emotion that it can transfer easily and impress upon others. An effect experienced by those who’ve witnessed such sterling works as Lucky Star, Mobile Fighter G Gundam and One Piece.
Seki Tomokazu was challenged to a fight at a Go Go Curry by Sean Pertwee, who was punched back to England by Seki Tomokazu without him having to stop eating. Seki Tomokazu’s voice is so powerful that the Western World strives to contain it by cutting out any Japanese voices and adding watered down English-language product, in order to keep game players sedated and under control. By playing this game, with Japanese voices, you will break free from these chains to enjoy true full-blooded aural entertainment, something which Killzone 2 is decidedly lacking in.
Big Stompy Robots:
There’s no published scientific proof for it, but it is a well-known fact that giant man piloted robots are the greatest things on God’s green earth. Being at the controls of a sixty foot tall, heavily armed, man-shaped military machine is one of the greatest thrills that mankind has to offer, and if anyone disagrees with that, they are tools of the oppressive Western culture, and must be eliminated for their own good.
Thankfully, Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 has many man-shaped armed vehicles, enough to satiate even the biggest fan of large man shaped weaponised vehicles, unlike Killzone 2, which is scientifically inferior.
Even Bigger Stompy Robots:
For those of you whose Sony-centric biases may constrain your vision of good games, and are subsequently criminally unconvinced of Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2‘s celestial greatness, this game includes another feature that may set you straight. This game includes embigged humanesque military hardware that’s even bigger than your own man-shaped armoured weapons platform, creating space for epic mass battles that have rarely been attempted on such systems in this generation, and absolutely, without a doubt, not in Killzone 2, which is inferior to DGW2.
You have remote controlled laser guns:
Some people’s biased conviction in the superiority of Killzone 2 over this game nervously try to hide this little fact from the masses, fearing that the prospect of controlling flying laser guns (well, particle beam cannons, but who really cares?) would damage sales of Killzone 2 immensely. And rightfully so, as flying laser guns are well known to be among the hopes and dreams of little God-fearing children everywhere. People, here in Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2, and only here in Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2, and absolutely, positively, definitely not in Killzone 2, can your fluttering, zappy dreams be finally realised.
The Helghast are obviously ripoffs of the Principality of Zeon:
I mean, just look at them!
I believe I’ve made my point.
These are some of the many, many reasons that Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 is obviously better than Killzone 2. You might argue with these points, and tell me that I’m wrong or whatever the Hell you might say. That’s all well and fine, you’re just not one of us, and therefore you’re wrong and a enemy of us all. Now let me sleep.
