Portal 2 delayed until 2011 due to ‘public safety’

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Those of us looking forward to revisiting Aperture Science in time for Christmas have been dealt a sad blow today, with news that Portal 2 is being pushed back to 2011. In a typically humorous press release, Valve and Aperture Science have cited “public safety concerns” as the reason for the delay, adding that “MAKING GAMES IS HARD.”

“Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision,” explains Valve. “They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.”

Well, that sucks. Still, Valve isn’t known for rushing its products if it means the quality will suffer, so we can at least take some solace from the fact that Portal 2 is likely spending the extra development time productively. Oh, and Valve can keep sending press releases in this style. Like, all the time.

June 9, 2010 — Aperture Science, doing business as Aperture Laboratories LLC, in partnership with Valve today announced the successful completion of an ethics-review-panel-supervised release date restructuring process. Portal 2, the sequel to the ground-breaking title that earned over 30 Game of the Year awards despite missing its original ship date, is now targeted for a 2011 release.

Representatives from both companies acknowledged that public safety concerns factored into the decision. They went on to say that even though Portal 2 will arrive slightly later than planned, all life on earth won’t instantaneously stop as every molecule in your body explodes at the speed of light, which is what would happen should a rip ever appear in the fabric of Valve Time.

“Also, the game will be even better,” they added, missing an historic opportunity to create the first product delay press release to mention that a product is being delayed to make it worse.

To ask questions about how close we all came to dying, or to ask futile questions about the previously announced E3 ***PORTAL-2-THEMED-FOR-GOD’S SAKE*** surprise or, less futilely, to schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve’s delegate to the EU’s Valve Time Studies Group, Doug Lombardi.

 


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