Phoenix, AZ can lick my balls

I COULD BE IN NEW YORK RIGHT NOW.

Not only is it too hot, filled with too many people who are convinced they’re in a different state (1/2 of the teenagers dress, talk, and act like they’re in Southern California, most of the adults are convinced they’re cowboys in Texas, and the other half of the teenagers fancy themselves introspective, artistic, bohemian New York emos), and completely void of anything of interest or importance, but we get our video games late, too.We don’t get Gears of War until tomorrow. Not a single store: not Best Buy, Fry’s Electronics, Babbages, or EB Games will have it until their shipment arrives at noon tomorrow. This has been the case with every single major game release, ever. Everybody else I know gets it today, I have to wait another 24 hours — or more, if they sell out. And, Jesus, Best Buy didn’t even have the standalone disc for Guitar Hero 2. The clerk literally told me that “I guess they’re just selling it for 80 bucks, and saying that the guitar accessory is free.” Then I went to EB Games and got the standalone disc for 50 bucks. But what’s that you say? 24 hours is no big deal? I’d typically agree (I waited an extra day for the last Splinter Cell with no complaint), but I’m working or going to school every day for the rest of the week, starting tomorrow. Which means I won’t be able to get any GoW time in until at least next Monday.So have fun tonight, rest of America. Have fun playing Gears of War while I sit here twiddling my thumbs and watching old episodes of Heroes. Once I leave this pathetic excuse for a state, please pass some sort of bill that will nuke it off the face of the planet.

Anthony Burch