Opoona: Crisis On Infinite Wiis

What happens when Koei starts listening to all the people who complain they’ve done nothing but rehash the Dynasty Warriors franchise ad nauseam for the last decade? Apparently they give us bizarro LEGO characters reenacting the story of Superman’s origin to a light cello accompaniment.

Once I realized this game has nothing to do with Link’s horse, the aesthetic became charming. If anything we can be thankful it isn’t yet another psuedo-historical hack n’ slash, right?

Oh, and to continue my reliance on DC Comics characters as analogues to the adorable action in Opoona, didn’t the evil side of that planet resemble Apokolips? My knowledge of the universe is limited strictly to the Bruce Timm cartoons of the 90s, but in between Sapphic Harley Quinn/Poison Ivy fantasies, I’m pretty sure my adolescent mind retained some vague idea of what Darkseid’s homeworld looked like. Sure, math is important, and reading is fundamental, but if you don’t remember the trivial details of cartoons you watched as a twelve-year-old, you’ll never amount to anything.

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.