Nintendo high as a kite: Worth more money than babies and love combined

Nintendo is rich, you know it and I know it. Tales of its not-really-rags-to-riches adventures litter the Internet like so many freshly crushed cans of Tizer. That said, L’big N still finds ways to make such stories jawdropping, like the fact that it’s now worth a lifetime high of 10 trillion yen ($85 billion). That is a lot of yen, for people who don’t understand finance.

Nintendo stock has risen 5.3% to 71,300 yen as of yesterday, meaning Nintendo’s value has increased fivefold over the past two years. It is official, despite what me, you or anybody else could say — the Wii prints money. Bet you wish you’d invented it now. Well, you didn’t and that is why you’re so poor. 

“There’s every reason to believe Nintendo will continue to execute its strategy well in expanding the gaming industry to strengthen its position… and really keep doing what it’s been doing regardless of what competition is doing,” said some stupid analyst.

If ever there was a time to start pretending you’re Reggie “Beefburger Fists” Fils-Aime’s friend, now is the time to do it. That is, if he’s not swimming around in a Scrooge McDuck Moneybank while laughing … just laughing all the time. By the way Reggie, not only could you break your neck diving onto solid coins, it’s also unhygienic to swim around in money. Just an FYI.

James Stephanie Sterling