Neo Kobe Pizza is:
– From Snatcher
– Theoretically awesome
To put that theory to the test, Ashley Davis and I got the necessary ingredients (both of them) and followed the incredibly vague preparation instructions supplied by the game. Granted, the whole “make Neo Kobe Pizza and review it” thing has been done before, but given the surprisingly positive reaction to my afore-linked Snatcher article, I don’t see the harm in adding one more review to that list.
To eat Neo Kobe Pizza, one must take a slice of pizza, submerge it in a soup of one’s choice, and, after it floats to the top, eat it with chopsticks (not actually detailed by the game, but why the hell would you eat something called Neo Kobe Pizza with anything other than chopsticks?).
I bought a large half-cheese/half-sausage pizza from Pizza Hut, two cans of Campbell’s condensed Chicken Noodle Soup, and forced Ashley to dress like Gillian Seed for the purposes of our project.
Hit the jump for our findings.
So, it’s actually impossible to submerge a slice of (hand-tossed, not thin crust or anything) pizza in soup. It’s too buoyant. As hilarious as the sequence in Snatcher is where Gillian’s pizza fails to rise after being submerged, it doesn’t actually work that way in reality. Here, Davis is attempting to hold the slice down using both chopsticks — later on in the evening, we found that if you put the slice into the broth upside down, it’s a lot easier to keep submerged.
Davis held the slice down for about twenty seconds, give or take. This was our first slice so we didn’t want to get too cocky and make it really soggy or anything.
Then it was onto the tricky business of actually bringing the pizza to one’s mouth, while still using ONLY the chopsticks to do so. Ashley Davis is white, and is thus not as dextrous with the ‘sticks as a Neo Kobe citizen would ideally be — after a few minutes of fumbling around trying to get a good grip on the (now heavier) slice, she just gave up, impaled the frigging thing with one stick and fed it into her big stupid face.
I watched in suspense as she chewed. Though the other two Neo Kobe Pizza reviews I’d seen were positive, I was about 55% sure that their positivity came more out of nostalgia love for Snatcher itself rather than the pizza actually being good. Dipping PIZZA into chicken soup? Wouldn’t that make the pizza a soggy, inedible mess?
No.
It’s actually really fucking good. My first cheese slice spent just enough time in the water to retain the taste of the chicken broth without making the slice too soggy. The chicken broth goes flabbergastingly* well with the pizza: the tastes remain separate and distinguishable, but they complement each other really well. After my first slice, I legitimately felt that Neo Kobe Pizza was better than regular pizza.
Granted, it’s not as easy to just sort of pick up and snack on as regular pizza since there’s a degree of skill required in figuring out how long to submerge the slice for, but Neo Kobe Pizza feels more…full flavored than regular pizza. As silly as that sounds. It was also more filling, which meant I felt full and satisfied after only one and a half slices.
Granted, my second, sausage-y slice was kind of soured when I left it in for too long and watched in horror as half the sausages slid off the slice into the chicken soup. And then Ashley noticed there was a scorpion on the ceiling, and I had to kill it with my shoe, which kind of destroyed my buzz.
Still, though, the pizza was good.
It was then that I realized we were eating next to my PS2, which currently held a copy of MGS3 in its disk tray. The coincidence was not terribly surprising, considering it was my decision to get Ashley Davis through all four Metal Gear Solid games that led indirectly to my desire to play Snatcher for the first time, but it was a nice little coincidence nonetheless.
So, the verdict is in — another ringing endorsement for Neo Kobe Pizza. It’s familiar, yet feels new, weird, and strangely enjoyable. You may not initially know why you like it, but after giving it some time you’ll be head over heels in love with it.
In other words, eating New Kobe Pizza effects the exact same emotions and thoughts one experiences when playing Snatcher. Based on that alone, I have to say New Kobe Pizza is the single coolest videogame-related food item I’ve ever come across.
*I know, right?
