More Wiinjuries; man assaults store guards with Wiimote (thousands dead)

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(Alright, so nobody died, but I wanted to see if I could get Rob excited enough to pee all over the floor.)

In Nagoya, Japan (a country defined by its love for all things Nintendo), a man broke into the local Bic Camera (an electronics retailer) and tried to make off with a Wiimote. When stopped by the guards, he used his years of training as a repressed nerd to bludgeon them savagely with the controller. The guards suffered hand and chest injuries, and one of them was made fun of by his kids. A lot.

Well folks, I think we’ve reached the pinnacle of Wiinjury hilarity. Unless someone is actually assassinated with one, the ridiculousness of this string of silly incidents has come to its penultimate end. I think I speak for everyone here at Destructoid when I say; “Will one of you please murder someone with a Wiimote? It would be really funny for us.”

[UPDATE: Nex lies. Often. He once got out of a test in high school by claiming he was descended from a Native American shaman and that he was late for a blood ritual that would grant him the powers of a wolf. Also, the above story seems to share some of those falsehoods; apparently the guy was just jacking the store for its Wiimote and used good, old fashioned kung-fu to beat the guards senseless. Sorry about the confusion, and Nex will be boiled alive for his crimes against humanity.]


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Author
Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.