MMO gamer goes missing, parents seek help … FROM JACK THOMPSON?!?

(Editor’s Note: Writing for a major video game web site like Destructoid is a difficult task. You see the best and worst sides of people all over the industry, and then sometimes, you see things that confuse and terrify you. Things Lovecraft would have written about in a short story documenting the rantings of a sanitarium inmate. This is one of those stories. — Nex)

Recently, an MMO gamer in Minnesota, named Jeff Prybl, went missing. His family had no idea where he went and their only lead was that it might have something to do with the unnamed MMO he seemed so utterly engrossed in. As it had been more than a week since they last saw him, his parents had grown worried. They enlisted the help of the local news station, KARE-11, and then they went completely insane and hired anti-fun activisit Jack “I Hate Kittens” Thompson.  

I’m warily hoping they hired him for his bloodhound-like sense of smell, but I get the feeling that this is going to turn into another one of Jacko’s “video games kidnapped this boy, and possibly sexually assaulted him” tirades designed to get his face on every TV around the country. While I understand that the family was just trying to do what’s best for their loved one, hiring Jack “I Put Bees In Your Sandwich” Thompson is only going to help two people: Jack and myself. Why would it help Ol’ Nexypoo, you ask? I’ll tell you why Billy; as long as Jack has the strength to wage his shockingly idiotic crusade against gamers, I’ll be there to make fun of him.

God bless America.

Earnest Cavalli
I'm Nex. I used to work here but my love of cash led me to take a gig with Wired. I still keep an eye on the 'toid, but to see what I'm really up to, you should either hit up my Vox or go have a look at the Wired media empire.