My picks bring all the boys to the yard
Hello everybody! Your (not so) favorite, foul-mouthed, perverted, shit-posting Community Manager here. 2015 was a helluva year for games. All bullshit aside, we are starting to see some truly amazing games come out. When I was a babby, playing RC Pro Am and Metal Gear, I never imagined we’d see games like Rocket League and Metal Gear Solid V on our TV sets. There are plenty of things to bitch about in this industry, but just sit the fuck down and think for a minute: Games 10 years ago, compared to now. Of course there were trailblazers back then (and even 20 years ago), but with the fidelity, systems, detail, and scope that we see on the regular? No.
It’s an amazing time to be a gamer. It’s also an amazing time to show you my penis. However, they refuse to let me do so on the front page (fucking prudes). So instead I wrote a list of just a few games I really enjoyed in 2015. These aren’t awards. There is no order. This is what I liked and how I liked it. It’s the Burger King – Mike style, of games in 2015. Mmmmm Burger King… Anyway, here’s a small handful of titles that aroused my nethers in 2015:
What else needs to be said? Addicting, fun, competitive, and not herpes! What else could you ask for?
The review team may have never picked this up, but I (and many others) sure as hell did. Take chess and mash WH40K into it and bam! You have Regicide! The devs did a fantastic job of realizing this premise, and represented WH40K very well in the chess setting.
Perfecting what it started in Dead Island, Techland knocked it out the fucking park with this one. Not only that, but it has continued to support the game all year! Bring forth The Following!
Bloody mouthful of a title and complete abandonment of single-player aside, no other game gave me as much fun in multiplayer this year. I wish they had launched at a lower price point, so more folks would’ve taken the plunge and discovered this gem. Once I came down through a skylight, blew through the floor, and flashbanged two opponents, I was hooked.
Tactical RPG + Managment Sim + Power Rangers = Boner.
Pagan, Hurk, honey badgers… This game had some great and silly stuff. I loved shutting off my brain and just going for a ride in this world. The co-op being a blast certainly didn’t hurt, either. This entry felt like Ubisoft nailed what it was going for in Far Cry 3. Fuck eagles, though.
Thankfully, MachineGames wanted us to have more of the delicious Wolfenstein it cooked up. This standalone gave us a decent-length journey into prequel territory, and more of the satisfying old-school feel that The New Order nailed so well.
Bigger stunts, manuals, crazier levels, and more rock-solid controls. Couldn’t ask for more from this outstanding sequel.
An ass-kicking experience for sure. Beautiful hand-drawn graphics, a solid premise, and fun gameplay made it all worth it. One day, I’ll get that damn A.I.
If you don’t like this game, then get the fuck out of my life. Seriously, go! Go look in the mirror and ask where you went wrong. Watch as your mirror self then hauls off and bitch slaps you, and then goes and plays Broforce.
It’s criminal this isn’t on more lists. How do you people forget such an engrossing, crazy ass, awesome experience? Well written, easy to learn and tough to master, this gem gave me almost everything I want out of a game. It’s basically a choose-your-own-adventure game that fucked a roguelite and had sea-worthy baby. A creepy, Cobbett-infused, entertaining baby. Beware the depths.
I fucking adore this game, enough that I own it on three platforms. That is pretty rare for me. Sure, it can be repetitive in the combat, and the combat is Arkham-lite, but it just has that something. The dealer is voiced perfectly. The card play is always an edge-of-your-seat affair, the resulting combat is fun (even if derivative), and I loved adding more cards to the deck for next time. Every game is a new experience and it’s one that keeps me returning. This melting pot of concepts has won my heart.
If you know me, even in the slightest, then you saw this coming. Then you probably saw me cumming… all over this. Holy fuck, Platinum… I want to have your babies. All your babies.
A fun, traditional roguelike with great classes, skills, and a good art style. Just a really solid title, all around. It’s available on Steam and mobile, but don’t let the free mobile version scare you. No F2P bullshit at all. Even a passing fan of the genre should give this a go.
A strategic, FTL-like, Mad Max-ish game. Survive the wasteland, upgrade your rigs, and blow away bandits! Fun stuff and it keeps me coming back for more.
I admit I’m known to hang off the ole Klei dick quite a bit. Games like Don’t Starve, Mark of the Ninja, and this are why. A stealthy, XCOM-ish roguelike (guess what my favorite genre is?), Invisible, Inc. ticks all the right boxes for me. I love that it doesn’t let you snail through its levels too! It’s constantly pushing you forward, forcing you to adapt and learn. In typical Klei fashion, the developer has also continued to support the heck out of the game with free patches and such, and recently released a pretty great (and cheap; $5) DLC. *swings around on that Klei dick* Weeeeeeeee!
“ANOTHER ROGUELITE, MIKE? REALLY?” Darn tooting. It’s another one that forces you to dig deeper in order to learn all it has to offer. I like the different take on the combat system, and I love the pre-planning and exploring. This one has had me come back to it multiple times since release. Maybe it’s my love of adventure, crazy characters, and this style of game, or maybe it’s Maybelline.
L4D + character progression + rat genocide = yet another boner.
How many boners can one man have in a year? Untold boners, in my case. Anyway, this game is a beautiful take on the L4D formula. I love the feel of the weapons, I love the characters (dwarf FTW), and I loves me some Skaven murder. The levels are well laid out and the objectives are fun. It was really nice to have a year with at least two great Warhammer games coming out.
And with that, I am spent. I know I didn’t have many picks for great games this year, but I did what I could. Below are a couple of shout-outs to others that didn’t get enough attention from me, or didn’t hold my attention. I still felt they were great though (maybe just not for me).
Shout-outs: Destiny: TTK, Binding of Isaac: Rebirth + Afterbirth, Fallout 4, Galak-Z, Kero Blaster, Downwell, Moonstrider, Rebel Galaxy, Skyhill, Assault Android Cactus, Deathstate, Zombi, Woah Dave, Helldivers, Oceanhorn, Resident Evil: Revelations 2, Doorkickers, Mortal Kombat X, Reverse Crawl, EDF 4.1, and Lisa… phew! Hope I didn’t forget anyone.