Man chokes girlfriend with Wii remote after stealing cookies

The Wii is the console that is bringing families together across America. Such irony then, that it also doubles as an effective strangulation tool for moronic boyfriends.

Daniel Alvarez of Austin, Texas has been apprehended on charges of aggravated assault after using a Wii remote cord to strangle his girlfriend. The assault occurred after a fight sparked by stolen cookies. I sh*t you not.

Christina Alvarado discovered that her greedy boyfriend had helped himself to her Girl Scout cookies. Christina was infuriated, but Daniel was also enraged due to the fact that she had woken him up — a crime far greater than stealing, apparently. Just to make sure we’re all the same page here and know it’s not a joke — this violent fight was about Girl Scout cookies.

Alvarez could face up to twenty years in jail for this second degree felony, all over a box of cookies. Still, you can’t blame Daniel for using a Wiimote to choke his girl — after all, Reggie really loves that throttle!

Jim Sterling