Let’s remember Castlevania with this awesome dad-ass vampire guitarist

I want to grow up to be this guy

When I cruise around the internet looking for juicy junk to shove down all of your throats, I listen to a large variety of music to keep myself focused. I’ve been on a Super Castlevania IV kick lately, so I went to the ol’ youtube dot com and typed in “Dance of the Holy Man,” one of the game’s best songs. I didn’t expect to find my new favorite video.

MagnusVonBlack, looking for all the world like a dad who owns at least two Halloween haunts, wears plastic fangs and aviators as he shreds on his glittery guitar. Strobe lights, plastic skulls, and headstones surround him as he submits himself to the music of the night. By the time he starts dancing around with a little toy skeleton and caressing a skull, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. His video description is equally amazing:

I, Magnus Von Black, wielder of both pen and sword (and by sword, I mean glitter-bombed Stratocaster!), have been turned into a Vampire! That is to say, I turned myself into a Vampire using only the force of my own inexorable creative willpower.

That’s right, to celebrate Halloween, and to celebrate my favorite month (that being October, of course. My affinity for this wistful, beautiful season of the macabre is shared by my own kindred spirit, the lovely and erudite Ms. Anne Shirley of Prince Edward Island), I wrote a really long, multi-tiered sentence in which I misplaced the direct object and forgot the subject, leading us to where we are now… here, in this very sentence where I am rambling quite incoherently!

The bottom line, dear viewer, is that I have poured my soul into this most legendary of songs, for the remembered glory of Simon Belmont’s past adventures, and for my own greedy, self-aggrandizing guitar Olympics.

I feel like I should be cringing, but dude’s having an absolute blast, and that’s respectable. I want to grow up to be just like him. The guitar skills would be nice, too, since I plateaued with the six-string when I was 18. If anything, just watch the last thirty seconds and try not to smile. If there’s ever a new Castlevania, move over Michiru Yamane.

Zack Furniss