So around 10:30 last night, I received a phone call from an unknown number. I sent the call to voice mail for two reasons. One, I gave at the office. Two, I was trying to watch RoboCop with my wife. Priorities.
Turned out it was Lynch from the game Kane & Lynch 2: Dog Days. I think he had the wrong number, because he called me “Kane” in message. Okay, it wasn’t actually the real Lynch, guys. He’s not a real person. He’s a character. From a game. And games aren’t real.
In any case, the voice mail (which you can listen to in the above video) is a setup for the upcoming sequel, which has Kane and Lynch reuniting for a gig in Shanghai (“you know, the one in China?”). The simple, clean job doesn’t go as planned and then a whole bunch of people get shot. Sounds pleasant.
The message was also an opportunity to see how well Google Voice translates messages. The answer: could be better. At one point, it has Lynch saying “Levy Jones has some Armstrong, but I needed most.” That doesn’t even f**king mean anything. Levy Jones is offended.
Full Google Voice and human ear transcriptions after the jump for LOLs and those who can’t watch the video above.
Google Voice robot transcription:
It’s me, which I didn’t know I’ve been checking. I don’t wanna chat and hi. I hope you get this message soon cos I’ve got a job and I can use your particular brands of expertise. Anyway, we up pretty badly last time but well. Just wanted to different just thought I’d get it looks good and well aware of it is big enough to take us into retirement. You know we’re not getting any younger. I got a girlfriend. So my priorities heard not the same. I can’t afford any scraps okay. Anyway, call me back. Levy Jones has some Armstrong, but I needed most. Alright they act Jane Hi, I that it’ll be good too. You know all see you again spite of everything happened. I’ll show you around. Bye.
Actual transcription by a human being:
Hi, it’s me Lynch. I’m in, um, Shanghai… you know, the one in China? I, uh, hope you get this message soon because I’ve got a job and I can use your particular brand of expertise.
I know I, uh… we fucked up pretty badly last time around. But this one is different. It’s a solid gig, looks good and well run. And big enough to take us into retirement and shit. You know, we’re not getting any younger. Look, I’ve got a girlfriend now. So, you know, my priorities are… not the same. I can’t afford anymore screw ups, okay?
Anyway, call me back. It’s an easy job, just some arms going where they’re needed most. Alright right? Oh yeah, Kane? I, uh… it’ll be good to… you know… see you again. Despite of everything that happened. I’ll show you around. Bye.
