Jack Thompson DESTROYS BioShock … oh wait … no he doesn’t

Last week, Jack Thompson promised “big trouble” for the eagerly awaited BioShock. While I felt dirty that such a beautiful game was being uttered from the filthy mouth of the silver haired panty-buncher, I patiently waited for this trouble, wondering what it was that Jumpin’ Jack Twat had up his sleeve. Now the time has come and BioShock‘s ultimate doom has been decided …


For some undisclosed reason, Jack Thompson was watching World Wrestling Entertainment’s Smackdown and spotted the classy BioShock commercial that’s been airing. Sensing some straws to clutch at, Darth Thompson has written one of his classic little love notes to Take-Two, whining about how people under 17 like wrestling, so this means BioShock and all its terrible violence is being marketed to them. Jacky baby, take it from me, this is one of the most desperate things you’ve ever done in your quest for relevance. Ever.

Hit the jump for more, including Jack’s latest rant in full.

[Thanks to TheGoldenDonut]

Take-Two… is aggressively marketing its newest Mature-rated video game to kids under 17 years of age… On this Friday’s night’s 8 pm Eastern time airing of WWE’s wrestling program “Smackdown,” there were repeated ads for Take-Two/Rockstar Game’s Mature-rated, incredibly violent BioShock…

A check of the demographics of the audience of that program reveals that teens under 17 years of age watch that program in huge numbers…

Remarkably, the video game industry is running ads for games like BioShock on teen-intensive television programs while at the same time its industry-captured “watchdog,” the ESRB, is running a self-congratulatory ad campaign to assure parents that the video game ratings system is working and that the industry can be trusted not to target their kids with these Mature-rated games.  It is all a lie, as the BioShock ads prove.

This rampant fraudulent trade practice is precisely what “Big Tobacco” did with its “Joe Camel” and other teen-targeting ads, while at the same time lying to Congress that it was not marketing its adult product to kids.

Even when watching half naked men wrestling around on a canvas mat, Jack Thompson can’t stop himself from thinking about children. On a ‘serious’ note, this newest spectacle has clearly shown that there is no low he won’t sink to in order to get his attention. It’s attention I’ll gladly give him as well, because he’s free comedy at this point and there is no greater entertainment than watching a bitter old man make a complete fool of himself. Thompson feels a little less insecure about his lack of significance, the videogames get more exposure and we get to laugh. Everybody wins!

The game in question, on its way to becoming the most critically acclaimed interactive masterpiece of all time, is being released on Tuesday and there is nothing he can do about it. It will be played, it will be loved, and children WILL experience it … but not because Take-Two sold it to them. Of course, we all know that, but we’ll be too busy having fun to stomp our feet and whine about something so pointless. That’s the job of this old wanker. Also, when did showing a TV spot classify as aggression? Thompson, you are utterly pathetic.

Now who’s Jack’s favorite wrestler? I think it’s Randy Orton, since they both look like they’ve done some terrible things with dates and a glass of wine.

James Stephanie Sterling