I know what you expected from an Iron Chef videogame, but that’s not what this is. Instead of shoehorning the Food Network television show into a Wii Waggle, Cooking Mama-style formula game — well, it is a Cooking Mama rip-off, but what makes it frightening is the production values, or lack thereof.
Instead of using cartoon art or even recorded video, the developers have opted to use some strange clay-looking…things as stand-ins for the Chairman, Alton Brown, and all the Iron Chefs. Instead of moving mouths, their faces deform as they talk and move. To see the chairman jump around makes my spine tingle. It haunts me at night.
And here’s where it goes from scary to batsh*t insane: The Chairman screams everything at you. Commands, food names, everything. At first it’s funny. But then it starts to wear on you, and by the end of a session, you’re cowering in the corner, shivering, doing everything you can to get the Chairman’s chunky clay visage out of your mind.