Oh no, what else am I bad at?
I fancy myself a decent typer-person. I have to do it all day for my job, and even though hunting and pecking would probably technically cut it, I’d die of embarrassment from being silently judged in press rooms. I’m just good enough that I can usually spell “Destructiod” “Destructoid” right on my first try. I’ve come to accept my early on-set arthritis from a life of keyboard-mashing and semi-pro Guitar Hero-playing.
But, alas, I am not a decent typer-person. How do I know that? Because LazerType VR made me look like a goddamn talentless jabroni.
You know those online typing tests? The ones you take when you’re bored with everything else on the internet, so you say to yourself “I bet I’m good for at least 160 words per minute!” LazerType VR is one of those. But in space. And with lasers. Oh yeah, and explosions.
LazerType VR puts you in the cockpit of a spaceship and gives you the task of obliterating ominously-looming spacewords. See that “F?” Look at it and type “F.” Boom! Blown to smithereens. Now do that until you can’t possibly keep up any longer.
It gets more advanced, obviously. Single letters are the only threat for the first five seconds or so. Things quickly ramp up. Eventually words like “county” and “aquifer” are hurtling at you. It doesn’t sound tough, but it totally is when they’re all stacked up on top of one another.
For dire situations, there are bombs to clear the whole screen. Certain words fly fast instead of hovering ever-closer. Those words, when spelled correctly, grant a precious bomb. High-score chasers need as many as they can gobble up.
Anyway, after watching another writer do very well at Lazer Type, I stunk up the joint by doing very poorly at Lazer Type. Not being able to cheat by glancing out of the bottom periphery, I am apparently terrible at keeping my hands where they’re supposed to be on home row. The in-game representation of the keyboard shows the letter as you type it, but not where your hands are positioned. So, I was all over the place and never able to correct as quickly as I needed to on this strange and not-mine keyboard.
While arcade mode is perfectly fine if not kind of one-note, multiplayer sounds more intriguing. It was described as something of a virtual pong game. You and an opponent take turns deflecting words toward one another until someone can deflect no longer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t at PAX West, so we didn’t get to experience it.
And, that’s the story of how I learned I am garbage at typing (and probably other things too). LazerType VR is set for release later this year on Oculus, Vive, and GearVR if you also want to be taken down a peg.
