Do you want to last longer in bed? Well, stop trying, because the new path to prestige is finishing as fast as possible. The bar has been set at 7 minutes, 54 seconds, as speedrunner Mae was able to charm the pants off of Lae’zel in that time. In Baldur’s Gate 3, I mean.
Mae had previously proven that Baldur’s Gate 3 can be completed in around 10 minutes, which is roughly how long I’ve spent in the entire game (that’s not a condemnation, I’ve just been busy with other things). But really, getting is the real goal of CRPGs like Baldur’s Gate 3. Saving the world is just something you do to meet potential partners.
The video is generally what you’d expect, but fascinating all the same. Mae uses a lot of the normal techniques used to speedrun the game’s opening. They then focus on freeing Lae’zel and getting on their good side. They then settle down in the romantic light of a campfire, sneak away into the night, and submit to their base urges. Hoo boy. I just love a partner with focus.
Frankly, 7:30 minutes of foreplay can be a bit disappointing. Hopefully, the after-glow and pillow talk aren’t part of the run. I wouldn’t recommend speedrunning intimacy with your partner unless you’re on break at the office or waiting on a bus. However, in this busy world we live in, aren’t we always aiming to be more efficient? We often try to minimize and abbreviate our pleasures so we can get back to what really matters: doomscrolling across the dying remains of social media.
Alright, so now we’ve seen the current Baldur’s Gate world record for copulation. Let’s see you do better. Or worse? I’m not sure anymore.