Hot and Steamy: Santa Claus won’t let you escape from his pleasure planet

Santa Claus is COMING to town

He sees you when you’re sleepin’
He knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good
So be good for goodness sake
Oh! You better watch out, you better not cry
Better not pout, I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is comin’ to town

And when he comes, he’ll have a big red bag filled to the brim (practically seeping) with Steam games. Thankfully, he checks out this here weekly feature about the best games releasing each week so he is sure to bring you just the good ones and not asset-flipped trash. 

Forgotten presents of last week

I’m damned near perfect, but sometimes Steam games slip through the cracks, or stealth release on Steam thus missing out on the free coverage I give them. So here are the ones that I missed last week

Anime girls with ridiculously oversized ‘perfect’ tits in a fighting game isn’t exactly new or edgy at this point, but the PC port of Nitroplus Blasterz: Heroines Infinite Duel seems worth a play for 2D fighting fans. The characters here hail from various anime, manga, and other weeb fare, none of which I’m familiar with. Destructoid’s former weeaboo-in-chief Kyle MacGregor gave the game’s PS4 version a pretty positive review saying, “Even though I still have no idea who most of these characters are… this is a fighter I could see myself enjoying for a long time to come.” Plus the PC version is enhanced, has DLC included in the main package, and there is a girl with cats that follow her around. You know me, I love me some pussy. 

In the era of free-to-play card games, somehow Konami’s Yu-Gi-Oh! continues to sell like hot cakes including the latest release subtitled Legacy of the Duelist. While the main game retails for $20, there is over $80 worth of DLC currently available, which seems like a lot, but I’ve spent well over $300 on Hearthstone alone. One Steam review raves, “I’ve been waiting YEARS for a good Yu-Gi-Oh! game to come to steam, for the $20 there’s a ton of content and I couldn’t be more pleased.” Some of the negative reviews complain that the game’s visuals are lacking and that mouse support has some issues (this game was released on PS4 and Xbox One over a year ago). Another reviewer is upset that cards are too easy to get, which seems like a positive where I’m sitting at. 

As a hardcore tactical stealth game Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun doesn’t interest me, as I don’t have the patience for stealth let alone many things that qualify as hardcore these days. But this game is just so easy on the eyes, with beautiful cutscenes that make me wish this were a full-length film. Currently, the game is rated overwhelmingly positive by the over 500 reviews on Steam that absolutely rave about the game. If you’re still unsure, there is even a free demo. Such a novel idea in 2016!

Last week’s list featured a lot of free games and turns out I missed one. Hunger Dungeon is a free-to-play round-based MOBA that looks like a cross between Battlerite and Nuclear Throne with a hint of Gauntlet.  The reviews for the game are mostly positive, though a few do note that you have to pay $12 to unlock the other characters. Many reviews say it is an above-average MOBA while more critical reviews say the premium characters are far more powerful. Classic MOBA sales tactic.

This week’s games that smell better than shit

This week Santa brings us a bunch of hip indie games that the type of people who like arty or narrative or gay games will like. Also known as my people.

If you have a lot of parties and need some entertainment, then indie PC gaming is where it is at, as there seem to be casual couch competitive games releasing nearly weekly, one of which is BOTOLO. From what I can gather this seems to be some kind of a cross between king-of-the-hill, sumo wrestling, and LSD. If anything it is beautiful, so for that alone BOTOLO has earned its spot on this smell-good list.

Bamboo EP is a collection of three small bamboo-themed games, though one is just an interactive title screen, the other two are the ones that tickle my fancy. One of them is a dodgeball game, which is probably my favorite sport as far as video games go. Sadly it is underrepresented in the gaming world. The other is a “fast-paced slice-em-up” that reminds me of Nidhogg if it were an adventure title. Love the style, I just hope the gameplay can match!

Any game with a title like Escape from Pleasure Planet that is gay-themed and has a scene where you’re in a bathtub with a buff man horse with rippling abs gets a free pass to be included on this here list (take note indie devs!). Not a huge fan of point-and-click adventure games, but I do enjoy some campy gay media. Unfortunately for the developers, it seems a softcore porn (read: porn where you can’t see the genitals but lots of fucking still happens with no money shots which is a thing some people enjoy for some reason) with the same title released this year. I only know this because it is easily findable on YouTube and it is completely uncensored. So for you straight fellas looking for some sci-fi softcore, you’re welcome? I skimmed the whole movie; the guys are pretty hot, but I enjoy lanky pale dudes. 

Elena: German VR Gone Home. That tells you enough to know if you’ll like it or use it as a straw-man argument till the day you die.

Another week, another bunch of indie games for Steam that appear to be decent. By the way, last week we hit the nail on the head as all the games listed have positive reviews with the Undertale-like OneShot being quite well-received. Also, Space Hulk: Deathwing either slipped from last week to this week, or I don’t understand how to read. One or the other.

Anything I missed releasing this week? Are you a developer, publisher, or concerned reader and want to make sure I don’t miss a game? Then feel free to comment, shoot me an email, or hit me up on Twitter. While you’re at it, shoot me a key for your game so I can let our readers know with confidence that your game is worth a look!

Jed Whitaker